This is what I'm thinking right now. I know maybe I shouldn't feel guilty for being who I am, but for some reason, I do. I hope this is a passing thought When I was in the closet, a small part of me said that being in the closet is like some form of gratitude to my parents. Like "Oh hey, they brought you to the world and worked their asses off for you, so the least you can do is be the nice little straight christian boy that they want you to be." That same part of me said that if I do come out it would be selfish because I would embarrass the family (we come from an African and heavily religious background) and add more worries to my parents. But I just feel like I have to let go and ignore that voice or else it will ruin all the confidence I've built up after accepting myself. I've internalized this random thought for years, but something just seemed so off about it. Like I'm thankful for everything that my parents have done, but I'm not about to live a double life and SUFFER in the closet, as a form of gratitude to them. I would take care of them when they're older, I'd give them money if they needed it, but I just can't do that. I honestly don't care anymore if someone calls me selfish for who I am. I just want to live my life and put it all behind me. Does every LGBT person go through this? Has anyone ever called you selfish after you came out? Does it ever go away?
I'm pretty sure these thoughts do pop up every now and then in some people's minds, but this is a wrong thought. Being gay is, first of all, a disposition, rather than a choice, thus you can't call it selfish. You can't say you're selfish because you have, let's say, blue eyes, can you? Second of all, it's a part, if not the biggest part of you. You should definitely not be ashamed of that. Your parents should accept you for who you are, positive and negative sides. I know, this is the ideal situation which rarely happens. In my opinion, what you're doing right now is sacrificing yourself for what? Pain for you. Truth is, your parents will eventually pass away (morbid thought, I'm sorry) and you will still be alive. Will you not feel any guilt or regret that you haven't told them when you had the chance to? You should come out to your parents if and when you feel ready to. Take baby steps, there's no need to jump head-on. Keep us updated! Best wishes, Andrew
I've had these thoughts, too. I feel like I am "betraying" my parents by being gay and not living up to the expectations they hold for me. I feel like I should be paying them back by becoming what they'd hoped for, but I'm realizing slowly I just can't do that. Perhaps it's not the most positive way to look at it, but I feel like it's selfish of *others* to ask a gay person to live life their way so *they* can feel comfortable. I would never ask a straight person to try to go against their orientation and live life with someone of the same sex, why should they ask me to do the same with the opposite sex? If someone really cares about you they should understand that you have to live in a way that is natural for you, and want you to do so and be happy. That's not to say parents or family members won't need an adjustment period. I understand some parents may be shocked, hurt, angry, or disappointed at first. But I hope that with time they can get over those feelings, let go of the child they expected and embrace the child that they have.
They aren't if you directly or indirectly allow people to dictate your decision, you are nothing less than a puppet. I know in my 19 years it has been this way I wonder if I was too selfish to want to be female. Nowadays its do a die. I can't back off from making my decision to transition anymore. You gonna take the lemon if god or man doesn't make/give them.
