WHERE did you come out?

Well, I told the first person I came out to in front of the building where most of my college classes were. I knew when I told her that she would be supportive, so I thought the place where I felt most comfortable would be the best place. I don't think that's going to help you much, though.

You have to take into account who you're telling. It may be something that you've known about for a while, but it could be life changing for her. Since she is your wife of 35 years, and if she doesn't suspect you being gay, I would say a more private venue would be better. That long road trip sounds like it would have been an opportune time. If she gets emotional, you'll want that to happen in a place and at a time where she can process everything and work through the emotions so you can explain your situation and have a legitimate conversation about this.

I wish you good luck! Coming out is hard, but you can do it! (*hug*)

 

For ten years I though every night as I lay my head on my pillow that I would never be able to tell anyone about my same-sex attractions. It was torture. Everyone I knew, family and friends, was fundamentalist Christian, and I knew for sure that they would abandon me when they found out.

Then, one day, I met an amazing group people at school, simply because I asked a classmate if she'd like to have lunch with me. She said she had a group that she was going to eat with, and I was more than welcome to join them. Six months later, after ten years in the closet, I told that girl who I really was. After all the agony I had gone through, it was as simple as uttering the words, "I'm gay."

Now I'm telling the friends that I thought would abandon me, and you know what? They still love me. Not all of them agree with it, but they're still in my life, and we're closer now than we've ever been.

I know your situation is different, but the moral of the story is the same: You most certainly can do it! No matter how long you've had to deal with these feelings, you can tell the people who need to know. I can't promise that it'll work out like you want, but you have the strength!

 

It was my best friends birthday. We were shitfaced in his garage smoking and drinking last April. He wanted to know why I was down... I told him. Glad I was drunk and had the courage to do it or I'd still be a closet case.

 

I was in the kitchen, we were sitting at the table, I gave my ex wife a note, sat with her while she read it. When she was done, I told her I was gay, just repeating what was written in the note. It happened when it felt right for me to tell her. There was nothing more to it.

 

1. Came out to my sister- outside in my backyard
2. Came out to one friend- on the school bus
3. Came out to a few other friends- in the school's cafeteria
4. Came out to my parents- I wrote them a letter and I don't know where they were when they read it. Probably in the living room?

 

I have come out to absolutely everyne I'm out to in my dorm room late at night via text message. Except one, which was in the library via text. Texting is easiest for me.

 

CaMe out to my brother and coworker in my bed via text, came out to my old best friend via text whilst at the gym. Came out to my mom on the couch, came out to everyone else via Facebook lol.

 

Sat on a kerb drunk walking home from a night out
Sat on a wall drunk walking home from a night out
Sat on my sofa drunk after walking home from a night out
At a bus stop drunk walking home from a night out
In a club drunk
...

The order gets a bit muddled from here but those were the first few.. first sober coming out was to my sister when we were lying in the garden sunbathing

Tbh I think my situation is a lot different from yours so I don't really recommend telling your wife when you're smashed

I'd definitely say do it someplace you can be on your own and when you have enough time to talk about it for as long as you need, those are the most important things otherwise I don't think it really matters that much

 

Wildeside

For me it was in bed at 4:00 AM,
I had been ready for days but unable to pull the trigger, then on the Friday after thanksgiving after not sleeping all that much, I sensed she was waking and I decided to jump, I mean it felt like I imagine it would feel jumping out of an airplane with a parachute and not even knowing hot to open it.

the landing was not as hard as I suspected, thankfully, and the relief I felt was so great after so many years of denying it even to myself, it was hard and scary but in the end, worth it.
hope it goes well for you, for me the early hour was the best, she was not fully awake or at least not at full speed, that allowed me to say all that I needed before she had the chance to overwhelmed me with words, my wife also can speak at a great speed.

best of luck.

 

I can't say that I have a great suggestion for a specific place to come out, but I don't think that a moving vehicle is a specifically great idea. There's a lot going on, and obviously a conversation afterwords, and I think it's best that a large chunk of your attention is not taken away while operating a moving vehicle. You have to be focused on the road.

 

First person I came out to was a fellow college student, and I did it lying on his floor in a very awkward attempt to come on to him. He turned me down. But he was nice about it.

Here's the thing about the right place and time. It never arrives. If it does, you're never ready for it, and it's gone by the time you realize it, and then you think "Well, I shoudl've done it then...I'll wait until another good time."

Coming out is mainly something to get beyond. Up until then, you're standing there with the splinter in your finger, freaking out about how much it'll hurt. But it's usually best to just get it over with.

Lex