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Failed coming out convo now if I say it my parents don't believe me

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Fallensun21372, Dec 13, 2014.

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  1. Fallensun21372

    Fallensun21372
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    Don't get me wrong my parents are Soo accepting but I messed up coming out to them and the whole convo went to sh** and now I'm afraid to try to come out again cuz i don't want them mad at me and say "not this conversation again Jonathon." I've come out to 3 people so far, my Gf my ex and my friend and I want to say Mom, Dad I'm bi. But I,can't cause they will shut down my attemps because they don't believe me. What do I do?!?!:bang:
     
    #1 Fallensun21372, Dec 13, 2014
  2. all paths

    all paths
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    Can you describe a little more what happened? How did the convo 'go to sh**'?

    If you can describe the progression of the conversation that might help...
     
    #2 all paths, Dec 13, 2014
  3. Peacemaker

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    you could try being more assertive and serious when you tell them or write them a letter if you think they wouldnt believe you in person
     
    #3 Peacemaker, Dec 13, 2014
  4. Fallensun21372

    Fallensun21372
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    Well I tried to tell them that I was bi but they didn't believe me cuz I never had an interest in guys when I was little so it kinda just spiraled downword from there but I've never told them that I get uncomfortable in the Men's Underwear isle in Walmart, not because all the models had giant pen*s' and it freaked me out but I would try to sneak a peek every now and again trying to act casual
     
    #4 Fallensun21372, Dec 13, 2014
  5. Peacemaker

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    well can you try and explain the conversation dude?
     
    #5 Peacemaker, Dec 13, 2014
  6. Fallensun21372

    Fallensun21372
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    I tried to tell mom I was bi I was really awkward, nervous and scared I did and she said that there's no way I can be bi because I've never show interest in boys before and she said that most of the bisexual people she knows ended up gay or straight , but I still lack to see how that means anything

    ---------- Post added 14th Dec 2014 at 02:22 AM ----------

    I tried to explain that I was bi but than she asked if I thought anyone at my elementary school was cute (there was 150 kids in that school) and all of them were sweaty jocky types and I wasn't really into them so I said no and then she said she proved it that I'm confused not Bi
     
    #6 Fallensun21372, Dec 13, 2014
  7. Peacemaker

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    oh wow that sucks, kinda weird that she wouldnt believe you, what about your dad though?
     
    #7 Peacemaker, Dec 13, 2014
  8. Fallensun21372

    Fallensun21372
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    When me and my mom 'fight' he sits there listening until spoken too, normally he helps moms case, this was one of those times

    ---------- Post added 14th Dec 2014 at 02:27 AM ----------

    Hi destiny
     
    #8 Fallensun21372, Dec 13, 2014
  9. Fallensun21372

    Fallensun21372
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    It's ok :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
    #9 Fallensun21372, Dec 13, 2014
  10. Fallensun21372

    Fallensun21372
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    It only says 3 .-.
     
    #10 Fallensun21372, Dec 13, 2014
  11. Peacemaker

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    wow that sucks, sorry dont have much experience in this really, when i told my parents i was bi they accepted it but i came out as gay months later but you could try telling your mom that you like both genders and you are not confused
     
    #11 Peacemaker, Dec 13, 2014
  12. Fallensun21372

    Fallensun21372
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    Yea will do. Thanks!
     
    #12 Fallensun21372, Dec 13, 2014
  13. Peacemaker

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    yup no problem
     
    #13 Peacemaker, Dec 13, 2014
  14. all paths

    all paths
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    It sounds to me like you perhaps just need to list your examples for her/them. Such as, what 'likings' first lead you to conclude that you are bisexual. And to counter your mom's point by explaining to her what you did to us: You didn't like any of the guys in elementary school or whatever because they were all sweaty, smelly jocks and not your type.

    This all being said, your parents are only going to believe what they want to believe, ultimately. So don't drive yourself insane with trying to 'get them' to believe you. You did your job: You told them your truth.

    Try not to let their mental block regarding the matter frustrate you too much. Just be who you are.

    They will eventually get the idea.

    (I know it is frustrating for right now, though). *hugs*
     
    #14 all paths, Dec 13, 2014
  15. Fallensun21372

    Fallensun21372
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    Thanks guys! :') I will
     
    #15 Fallensun21372, Dec 13, 2014
  16. Chip

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    Hi,

    I know that this is hard for you, and it hurts to feel disrespected, not listened to, and like your feelings don't matter. I can guarantee you that your mom isn't intending to hurt you or make you feel bad; she's just having difficulty coming to terms with what's going on.

    Remember that you've known this for a while, and it's new to your parents. For everyone dealing with a loss (in this case, loss of perception that you're straight), there are stages everyone goes through: denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance. Your mom is in denial. It's less that she doesn't believe you and more that she simply can't process that her son is bi because she is sort of in shock and processing it.

    Now... some people stay in denial for weeks or months or longer, but that isn't common. If you want to gently push the process along, write a short letter (or email), explain that you know, that you've been thinking about it for a while, that it isn't a phase, and that you are sure, and you need them to accept the fact. That will most likely push her out of denial. Be aware, though, that anger is usually the next phase. Usually it doesn't last long, and it is often self-directed ("What did I do wrong to make my kid gay") rather than directed at the son or daughter. Bargaining looks like "Well, maybe he'll still end up with a girl" or "Maybe this is just a phase and it will go away" or somethign like that.

    The whole process takes some time, but if you just stick with it, and give them some time, they'll come around.
     
    #16 Chip, Dec 14, 2014
  17. butHitlerisDead

    butHitlerisDead
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    You're not obligated to "prove" your sexuality to anyone. Just tell her you're bisexual and assure her that you are if she denies it. If she asks how you know then don't lie but don't let her make you feel bad because you haven't properly demonstrated your attraction to guys to her or something. If she continues to deny it then there's nothing you can really do, but like I said, that's her deal not yours.
     
    #17 butHitlerisDead, Dec 14, 2014
  18. Wildside

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    how about writing a letter to them. you can be there when they read it or not. doesn't need to be long, and doesn't need to convince them, just needs to say it. and then you're out. whether they buy it or not has absolutely no impact on the fact that you're out.
     
    #18 Wildside, Dec 14, 2014
  19. OOC73

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    When exactly "before" did they expect you to demonstrate your attractions? You're 14 for heavens sake - NOW is the time when these feelings are most likely to start to become apparent! (Not that there's a timescale for these things but when you hit adolescence is when you really start to feel the feels of emotional and sexual desires.)

    Writing a letter is a good idea - but they don't yet seem quite ready to have that conversation with you and are perhaps hoping that it's teenage curiosity and that it will pass if they don't make too much of a deal about it.

    What I will say, is at 14, you are still quite vulnerable as you aren't legally old enough to support yourself so ensure that you have safe environment to escape to, your friends place or whatever, if Mum and Dad find it hard to take in. For some parents it can take a while to find acceptance, remember your news IS news to them while you have had time to come to terms with it yourself. Only tell them when you know you are suitably supported elsewhere.

    I'm 41 and I came out to my mum last week. Initially she was great, then the day after she started with the guilt trips and telling me I had made my "choices". The next day she was ok again. These things can take time and patience and as long as you stay true to yourself and proud of who you are, you will do just fine. Give them time to understand. Don't take it personally if they aren't ready to handle this just yet. Keep talking and keep honest. It will be ok. It really will. X
     
    #19 OOC73, Dec 16, 2014
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