Sometimes I don't even understand why I'm so scared of coming out. Well, ok so I know why I'm scared of coming out to my family, but I'm talking about my co-workers. I work with some really cool people that are all mostly around my age. I've really been thinking lately about wanting to find a girlfriend (but I'm having a really hard time with figuring out how to go about doing this). Which brings me to thinking about coming out at work. I've made little comments here and there to see how my co workers would react. But so far, nobody has actually came out and asked me THE question. Which is what I feel like I've been waiting for. I mean really, who just starts a conversation with a co worker by saying "So...I'm bisexual, and how was your day?" lol Example: The other day I was at work talking to them and my boss said something about a customer of ours. Then a co worker said something about he had heard that the granddaughter was really hot. So I piped in with "OH, CAN I GO THEN?? HOW OLD IS SHE??" Hehe... Which led my boss to just laugh and say, "you guys are so weird". So I have no idea how they would react if they found out, I imagine they would be cool about it, but I don't know. One of my former co workers that recently moved away had a gay mom (but I don't know if all of my co workers knew). I almost came out to her because I felt like she would be really cool about it, since she's still so close to her mom, but I never got around to it. And then that leads me to thinking about coming out to my friends, but I'm so scared. My friends that I hang out with most often are much older than me, like in their 50s. And they are really cool about being open minded about things, but for some reason I just can't seem to bring myself to spit out the words. I really feel like it would be easier if I could find a girlfriend first. Then I could be like....so by the way....Beth isn't just a friend of mine, we're dating. But if I never come out to anyone.....how will a cute girl ever know that she has the green light to ask me out??? As if single life isn't confusing enough......I feel like it's even MORE confusing for people like us... Any advice would be appreciated....but please be nice.
Hi there! Being scared to come out for the first time is something that pretty much everyone goes through. When you try to come out for the first time, and perhaps for a few times after that, you have to overcome the wall that you built around yourself to protect yourself while you were figuring everything out for yourself, and indeed, until you came out to yourself. Now you have to start chipping away at the wall that provided some comfort and 'protection.' Coming out for the first time, also requires you to start letting go of your own internal homophobia, which can make itself known through the fears, worries, anxieties you are or might be experiencing. You already know something important, which could provide you with reassurance. And in some ways, when you start coming out, you are also looking for some reassurances that things will turn out to be okay, and that others around you will accept you. Knowing that you work with cool people, and that one of your former co-workers had a gay mom, as well as have dropped a few hints here and there, should give you some reassurance that coming out to them would be alright. What might help is to start coming out to the person who you trust the most. Speak with that person alone; somewhere, where you feel comfortable and know you have their full attention. Another thing you could try is to drop clues casually into a conversation. For example: if someone talks about a trip they took with their partner over the last weekend or holidays, you could say - and if it is applicable - "I always wanted to go to that place once I have a girlfriend or a boyfriend" or something along these lines. Like this you share something about yourself, and come out at the same time. (*hug*)
I think you're past the hard part in that you are ready to tell them. I have the opposite problem: People indirectly (occasionally directly) ask me if I'm gay, and I'm not ready to tell anyone, so I'm put in an awkward situation. I usually just say something like "of course I like girls" if the question is phrased that way. So how did you reach the point where you're ready to tell them if they'd only ask?
I'm not really sure how to answer that. lol I guess I'm at a point in my life where I just want to be happy. It's taken a failed marriage and surviving some pretty hard times for me to realize that though. I'm just ready for the whole coming out part to be over and for me to get to the living my life happily and freely part. You'll get there too, just when your ready. Joining this site is a positive step though. Good luck!!
