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Coming Out Letter

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by KingJude, Dec 16, 2014.

  1. KingJude

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    Some of you may know that I am currently trying to come out to my best friend. I don't have the courage to talk face to face, so I've resorted to writing a letter. I'd like you guys just to check its okay beforehand:

    'Hi ****.

    I've been meaning to say this for a while. You've been so open with me recently, now I think I need to do the same. You are like a brother to me. You're the only person I've ever trusted so much, which is why I need to tell you. Before I tell you, I just want you to know that what I am about to say does not change our relationship in any way. You're still you, and I'm still me. Well, the thing is, I'm gay. I always have been, and always will be. I've been told by my counsellor that often the main concern friends have when a friend comes out to them, is that their gay friend is attracted to them. I assure you that this is not the case. I am not telling you I'm gay because it affects you. I'm telling you because I don't want to keep any secrets from you anymore. Me being gay may not come as much of a surprise to you, but then again, it might be a complete shock, and I understand. If you have any concerns, please voice them, because I don't want this to change anything. I trust you completely and entirely. I don't want anyone else to know. When I say that, I really mean it. Not ****. Not anyone. I want to be the one to let everyone know, when I am ready. You had concerns about being bullied about ****. I never told anyone. I think I should be more concerned. So far it's just my Mum, ******, my counsellor and you who know. I hope you appreciate the courage it's taken for me to tell you, and respect my concerns, and understand why you really mustn't tell anyone.

    Thanks for understanding Bro.
    '

    Thanks guys for reading this. If there is anything at all you think needs changing please say, because I was this to be over and done with soon. Thanks so much <3
     
  2. LoneWolfRunner

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    It's really good. Of course it depends on the friend and how he is. You have all the right reasons to tell him. If you want you could also add that you understand he might need time to process the information.
     
  3. KingJude

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    Okay, thanks <3 I'll be sure to add that. I'll wait for a couple more responses before sending it though, just to be sure! :slight_smile:
     
  4. OOC73

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    The only thing I would alter is instead of "Thanks for understanding" - there is every chance that he will understand but you are presuming and telling him how to feel and he needs to be allowed to do that in his own time. Maybe soften it a little and include what you were going to add about giving him time - something like "it's really important to me to be honest with you, and I hope you understand, I understand if you need some time to get your head round this too - I certainly did :slight_smile:"
     
  5. KingJude

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    Okay, thanks! That does make sense. I'll be sure to change it. Thanks for your help! <3
     
  6. GhostNeko

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    Yeah, change the "thanks for understanding" along with anything else that is preassuming, but otherwise it's amazing.
     
  7. Mirko

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    Hi there! It's a good letter, and I would also suggest to make the changes that have been suggested so far. I would add a couple of more changes because in reading your letter, I wasn't sure how the following part fits in:

    I think it would be better to make it more of a 'personal statement' and write: "it has taken me a lot of courage to tell you that I am gay in part because I wasn't sure how you are going to react. So far it's just my Mum, ******, my counsellor and you who know." .... and you can end it with the last sentence as you have already asked him to keep it between the two of you for now. :slight_smile: