So, I'm ready to come out. I'm sure I'm a lesbian. I'm comfortable with it and I want some of my closer friends to know. The thing is that I'm a very shy and awkward person when it comes to this kind of talks and I tend to avoid them all the time and, since there's nothing pushing me to give this major step, I keep putting it off. I think it would be so much easier if I was with someone because then I would have a reason to come out, but there's no one in the picture. Any advice?
If you really feel you need to come out, but are shy about it, have you considered just sending your friends a note?
I actually wanted to (and did) come out when I was single. It might be a bit strange but I think if you come out for someone, that's a huge step, and could put a bit of expectation on a relationship. I told 4 out of my 5 best friends via text or IM, none of them cared or were awkward about ir. I told the fourth in person, but I had another friend who knew there to support me and we all cried and hugged together.
I don't mind coming out being single, actually. This is something I want to do for me. But I think that it would be a lot easier to say "hey I met someone and it's a girl" than "I've got to tell you something. I'm gay". It's sounds way more casual, like it's no big deal. I thought about coming out via text but not seeing the other person's face makes me somewhat nervous. Although, deep down I know that if I want to do this, it's gonna have be by text/IM. I don't think I'll ever be able to do it, otherwise. I wish I could, though.
Hi Pennylane. Even though you feel ready to come out and you want to tell some of your close friends, you said: When you think about your friends, how would you summarise your relationship with them? What does their friendship mean to you? I don't know what you think, but I regard honesty and authenticity as paramount in any friendship. A close friend should know you intimately and accept you with love and kindness - in many ways they will know you far better than members of your own family. So what do think it says when your close friends don't know that you are a lesbian? What does it say about your friendship/relationship with them? When you say there is nothing pushing you to give this major step, would it not be reasonable to suggest that your friendships are the reason? If the strength of friendship lies in the honest and authentic sharing of our lives.. is that not a significant reason? I know these are challenging questions for you and I'm sorry if they seem a little harsh (not my intention). I'm just trying to help you find the 'push' reason to take this big step. You don't have to sit them down for a big face to face conversation as there are other options, but if you are ready to come out, I think you have a sound reason to do it now. Don't you?
I hate breaking the ice too. It's just so hard, I don't even know why. There's just no way to bring it up without being awkward. The single easiest time I've ever come out to a friend was when I just said, "Hey, wanna know something weird? ... I'm gay." My heart was pounding and but we just kinda laughed it off and it was ok. Maybe just go with the awkwardness and make it kinda funny? Once it's out, it's out, and it get's easier from there (assuming your friends aren't homophobes)
