Easier coming out to a gay friend?

Yeah, that was my first success story, coming out to a gay friend. In fact, it was a gay friend I hadn't seen in years, but I was hoping he would be understanding. I was nervous about it anyway. But he was just so great about it. He was so understanding, he had dealt with lots of people coming out over the years, he has been so supportive. First of all, you know that a gay man is not going to judge you for being gay or bi. with straight people, you just don't ever know for sure, not as much at least as with someone who is in the same boat. and then, even under the best circumstances, if they haven't been down the same path, no matter how supportive they want to be, a straight person really can't do as much to help, guide, share and understand. I am not ready to come out to the whole world yet, but I will continue to come out to any gay person who will listen to me!!!

 

Should be fine. You can do it!

 

Yes, my gay high school classmate(a year older than me) was in my first group of come outs. I came out to about 40 people either individually or 2 by 2. He is a counselor and totally believes in bisexuality(not everyone does for guys so beware), and he was totally supportive. I just told him that I had been attracted to guys since I was 11 and spilled my guts regarding my friend with benefits relationship I had with a boy back before graduation.

 

I haven't come out publicly yet, but my first two comings out were to gay guys.

Of the two guys, B came out to A in state of vulnerability, processing his feelings which hadn't yet solidified. In what you might call a form of reciprocal transparency, A - whom I didn't have a clue was gay - came out to B immediately afterward. I was there at the time, but was concerned that it might be overwhelming for B, who seemed to be still working through his own feelings, to learn at the same time that both A and I were gay.

Some time after that meeting, I ended up coming out at separate times to both of them. I stumbled through my comings out, but it went about as well as one could hope it would. Neither of them saw it coming, which surprised me, because despite my notoriously bad gaydar, I've always felt that I sound and look kind of gay in recordings. Maybe it's just confirmation bias at work...

 

I planned on doing this, but came out to a bunch of my friends.

 

Stumbling is good. That's what real courage feels like. Congratulations on those coming outs. Doesn't it feel great to have done that? And I know what you mean about being surprised about them being surprised. I see myself in photos and videos, and OMG I look so gay at times. And yet, I think that when people already have formed an opinion of us, that opinion can carry things forward despite evidence to the contrary. On the other hand, people who hardly know me at all have just assumed I was gay, and even asked me questions about my "partner." I'm sure I'll eventually come out to someone who knows me well, and they'll say, oh yeah I always suspected... but on the other hand, there aren't that many people who know me well. How could they, if they don't know I'm gay?!?!?! :roflmao:
(p.s. -- Flatulentius??? with that name, I'm guessing you don't have any roommates!)

 

First person I came out to was a lesbian I'd met maybe two months prior, tops, but I did and do consider her a good friend. It went extremely well, definitely a confident-booster as coming-outs go.

I knew I wanted her to know, but hadn't found an opportune moment yet. We were just talking about stuff after a movie, and conversation turned to our lives basically, because we didn't know each other that well yet, and I said something about how I hated how narrow-minded people could be (in context it made sense), and she just went: "Yeah, well, it's hard sometimes, I guess, and -- well, I don't know what you are, so --" And I laughed and said: "I'm bi." And she finished her sentence and the conversation continued as previously.

She was glad I told her, but she didn't make that big of a deal out of it. We've talked about it since; she's talked me into coming to our campus' monthly GSA meetings for one. It's cool to be completely honest and transparent with someone who really gets same-sex attraction. But I like that it wasn't made into this huge moment and she didn't have a BIG reaction, because it was already a huge moment for me.

So yeah, if you want to come out and have this person in mind, I'd say to go for it.

 

2 of the first 4 friends I told were gay. It definitely helped

 

I've battled depression over the course of my life, and I know that being in the closet was the biggest factor. I was sliding into another seasonal depression this year, but then I started the coming out process and the worst of it lifted. so yeah, our experiences are all as unique as we are, but my experience does validate what you say, that coming out can make some real progress in us being able to live happy lives. (*hug*)

 

The first person I (officially) came out to was my lesbian cousin and right away she accepted me. She also helped me in coming out to the rest of my family by being super supportive and talking through my fears and concerns until I had enough courage to finally do it.

 

It's less a statement about my personal constitution and more a riff off the joke names in Monty Python's Life of Brian. I could have gone with Naughtius Maximus, but the other famous name felt a bit inappropriate, so I made my own. :icon_redf

Depression is a common theme for many of us. I don't think I have clinical depression, but I had situational depression which peaked as I was figuring out that I was gay, and receded to a manageable level as I began to accept that part of myself.

From another angle, I sometimes ponder the most helpful way to respond if someone were to come out to me, and discussions like this provide useful input for that as well. Obviously I'm going to be cool with it whether the person is LGBTQPI or A, but specifically how to respond - whether to roll with it and move along, how much concern to show in the moment, and how to convey that I'm most happy to continue the discussion if desired - is something to give further consideration.

 

The ones I've told have been extremely helpful. There are 2 however that I'm a little nervous to tell

 

what does "A" stand for?

 

I think it's Asexual .

 

oh, ok that makes sense. didn't even think about that. though, I thinking I'm married to a closet A. I think that on a subconscious level, she may have been looking for a gay without knowing it, because we are a lot less threatening in how we court women, even those of us in denial about our gaiety, as I was at the time, long long ago. thanks for the explanation.

 

AND it made it a LOT easier for him. hence, the high five!!! :wow:

 

Out of the three people I've managed to tell, telling the two straight ones was like pulling teeth, meanwhile the third was gay and it just came out naturally (no pun intended). It's definitely SO much easier to tell someone who understands and won't judge you for it. Go for it!