I am a 20 year old college student who is struggling with coming out my background info is at the age of 16 i was adopted by my best friends parents and throughout that process my life wasn't stable leaving me to struggle with my sexual identity alone. At the age of 19 I finally was able to look at myself in the mirror and admit that I was Bisexual but this is only the start as now I want to come out to my brothers and father along with a few close friends. My problem is throughout my high school into my college years I've been seen as masculine and a leader in everything I do from sports to charity's to managing my own fishing team this has lead to a majority of my friends being jocks and some of which I cant pinpoint as being open or closed minded in regular circumstances I would kick those out who cant accept however I feel like my passion is at stake along with my leadership role and I don't know what to do. So far this month I have come out to my southern home schooled religious cousin and my old best friend who is in the military both of which have been supportive the sooner of which surprised me. Now I am faced with telling my co-captain and longtime friend and my brothers and father. 1 of my brother's I know will be supportive however I'm not sure if he trustworthy enough to keep it a secret until I'm ready to come out. As for the other 3 I believe their reactions will be indifferent to supportive but I am not sure I am scared to lose everything I have just built and get sent into a tailspin again yet I want to be my true self I'm not sure what to do . Also I want to get involved in the LGBT community but I have no idea where to start at.
I would totally recommend you to come out but in the end , its your decision whether you want to or not but for sure , if you need support , we WILL be here for you! And your sexual orientation doesn't define the person you are , being a leader does not come from being gay or lesbian or anything for that matter and it definitely shouldn't stop you from doing the activity that you're passionate about .
Yeah, I'm just coming out as bi-sexual, and frankly it isn't everyone's business. It's not like its going to come up in casual conversation. Tell the people your comfortable telling. If anyone asks, I would be honest, but that's up to you. The loss you might experience now, will not compare to the suffering a life time in a closet will bring upon you. I was closeted since I was 13, and never really did much about the guy-desires I've had. So, chin up. True friends shouldn't care (unless they want you.)
Hello! It's great that you've come out to yourself and that you're seeking support. And it's brilliant that those you've come out to so far have been supportive. Hopefully your feeling that your father and brothers would be indifferent to supportive is true. Can you scout out their opinions somehow? Eg. Mentioning gay people / dropping hints? I'm also bisexual (mostly gay) and adopted, and found it very difficult to untangle all the different issues - adoption can often add an additional twist to coming out. With my (adoptive) family, I felt that they would be supportive, but I didn't know - I was afraid of everything unravelling. How far would the two people you've already come out to be able to offer you support on the off-chance things went wrong? ie. Both in terms of a listening ear but also financial support or a place to stay if need be? Secondly, what would the implications be if things did go wrong? Are you eg. financially independent? Although I see that finances etc aren't the whole thing: relationships and respect and opinions and everything else also count. The last thing is, if you're really worried, do you need to come out right now or can it wait until you've built up a greater support network? Good luck
Thank you for the support guys and to ccdd for her insight. I have been scouting opinions on those I care about one of the ways was telling them my anti bullying story from my college that happened this past semester where I defended a smaller individual against a larger bully because he was gay so I do for sure they were at least proud the I intervened and stopped a violent situation. and unfortunately both of the people who know my sexuality live out of state although from my scouting so far I can tell things will not be that bad. and I don't plan on outing myself to everyone just yet only those who I care about or those who I know will support.
most college counselors are pretty attuned to LGBT student issues these days. they also have associations like LGBT/straight alliances. does your college have any support systems for students?
My college has GSA clubs at a few campuses unfortunately none of which are at my campuses but this semester I will probably seek information on how to get involved at one of those campuses somehow this upcoming semester.
It can really help build up the mutual support network, whether for your own benefit or to help others. Good luck with finding a way to connect. Once you get involved with them, maybe you'll be able to start a chapter at your own campus.
It definitely would be nice to have the physical support system and help others in the process to . the hardest step I think will be stepping up getting out of my comfort zone and going the first time because after years of hiding it its going to feel so weird just to put my true self out there but I know the feeling and what could come from it far exceeds this fear/ discomfort I have now.
