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Really Confused if im straight or gay.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Doneforgood, Dec 20, 2014.

  1. Doneforgood

    Regular Member

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    Hi, Im sure there is heaps of these sort of stories out there, but im really confused and wondering if people could give me their perspective on this situation.

    Ok my main thing is that ive been a chronic masturbater for 4 years. like twice a day. It was getting out of hand so I join the site NOFAP. Which helps you think of ways to stop PMO (watching porn to masturbate to orgasm).

    Anyways. I started off watching normal porn, then progressed to lesbian, then bi, then gay. Ive been watching gay porn for about 2 years. For those past two years ive been thinking im gay as ive been PMOing to it. Never told anyone about this ever!!

    Once I started this NOFAP, im only at 11 days and now I don't know what I believe, ive always found females beautiful and sexy but guys is more lustful, if that makes sense. But now if I sit down and try and see what first comes to mind when I think about sex. I literally draw a blank. Im in this limbo stage. Ive had sex with two females but never with a male. I think im scared that the guy will tell someone and it will get back im gay.

    Through school I was attracted to girls, but if I look back now I think I was attracted to one of my male friends but never said or acted on it. Were not really friends now.

    I hope that made sense. Any replies and advice on this situation would be greatly appreciated.
     
  2. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

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    Hi, and welcome!

    First, masturbating twice a day isn't chronic or abnormal. The majority of guys from their early teens to late 20s masturbate once or twice a day, and the typlcal normal range is quite wide... something like from once a month to 4 or 5 times a day, and many people go through phases where they do it more frequently than that. So twice a day isn't getting out of hand. (There's a pun to be made there, but I'll leave it be...)

    There's also nothing wrong with watching porn and masturbating to it with similar frequency to whatever your normal frequency is. I do encourage people to try to get used to masturbating without porn, because, once you get used to it, masturbating to your own mind-created fantasies is a healthier and richer experience for most people.

    The only issue with either excessive porn watching or really excessive masturbation (which twice a day is not) is when the masturbation starts to take away from real-life activities and becomes a dependency. If, for example, you find yourself giving up opportunities to hang out with friends so you can stay home and masturbate, that starts to be problematic. Or if you are at work and can't hold out and have to masturbate there, that's an indication that it may be becoming a problem.

    Now, onto the sexual orientation issue: Porn is not a reliable way of determining sexual orientation. What I normally recommend is masturbating without porn, and seeing where your mind naturally goes if you don't consciously think about something. If you have difficulty with that, try consciously masturbating thinking about girls in one session, and then the next time try thinking about guys, and alternate a bit back and forth and see which is more arousing and more exciting.

    Also, notice where your eyes go when you are out and about and aren't paying conscious attention. Do they wander toward guys or girls? On TV, do you find yourself looking at the guys or the girls?

    The worries about being gay are normal. Probably nobody who is gay wanted that when they first started to be aware of it. It sets us apart, and basically excludes us from the largest single group of people in the world (the 90+% of the world who is straight.) So there's a lot of stigma and shame as we first start thinking about it. But the reality is, gay people are, at least in much of the world, accepted and appreciated and recognized for who they are without judgment or discrimination, and some of the most successful, widely known, and beloved people in the world are gay.

    If you can talk more about your experiences and concerns, we can give you more input and suggestions. I hope you'll stick around in any case... this is a welcoming and supportive environment whether you're gay, straight, or somewhere in between :slight_smile: