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Came out to mom (sort of), she didn't really believe me. Now what?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by LyndisLegion, Dec 21, 2014.

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  1. LyndisLegion

    LyndisLegion
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    Last week I was having a heart-to-heart with my mom after a stressful afternoon at work. We were talking about my low self-esteem and desire to make friends at work. Eventually, I decided to mention to her that I thought I was bisexual or gay (emphasis on 'thought' because I'm still not 100% about my sexuality), and that I had a serious crush on a woman at work.

    My mom's reaction was mixed. On the one hand she didn't yell or go into complete denial- she was calm and rational. But I don't think she completely believes me because our discussion following my statement was less about me liking girls and more about me NOT liking boys. She thinks my lack of interest in boys is down to:
    a) not growing up around them enough, especially as a teenager, and
    b) my parents' rubbish marriage and the breakdown of my older sister's relationship.

    It's been almost two weeks since that conversation and I'm now beginning to doubt myself because of the points she made. It really could be down to me being uncomfortable around guys and I could end up marrying a man in the distant future. Yet at the same time, I still feel like it's not just a question of inexperience. :bang:

    Now I'm worried other family members are going to have the same scepticism if I come out to them. Is there any way to phrase my coming out so they actually believe me and don't just think I'm naive?
     
    #1 LyndisLegion, Dec 21, 2014
  2. Wongachick20

    Wongachick20
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    I had a similar experience when I told my close friend. She didn't really believe me. Which made me wonder whether I am or not. Would it be an idea to wait a while and see if what U think is true, ie when U have more experience, before U talk to other family members about it. I mean that is what I am going to do. :slight_smile:
     
    #2 Wongachick20, Dec 21, 2014
  3. Clay

    Clay
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    Her two points were ridiculous if you think about it. If it was mearly a matter of proximity to the opposite sex, and the status of relationships around you, then faaaaaar more people would be gay.
     
    #3 Clay, Dec 21, 2014
  4. LyndisLegion

    LyndisLegion
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    Perhaps in a general sense, but for my personal experience her statements might ring true.

    Sure, I am a lot more comfortable around boys than I used to be (thanks in part to going to Uni and finally getting a few male friends due to mutual hobbies), but I still can't picture myself in a long-term relationship with a man- only a woman.

    After what my mom said, I now cannot tell whether I'm really not attracted to guys (or at least, less so than I am to girls) or just scared of committing to a relationship with one, lest it end up failing like my parents'/sisters have. It's confusing how one possibility is frightening me more than the other.
     
    #4 LyndisLegion, Dec 22, 2014
  5. Clay

    Clay
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    Think about it, there's kids and teenagers that spend 40 weeks of the year in all male/female boarding schools. There are millions of kids who see their parents go through messy divorces and see bad examples of relationships elsewhere in their family.

    If proximity or the status of relationships around you was what caused people to stop liking the opposite sex, far more people would be gay.

    She got into your head by, frankly, talking nonsense. You are what you are. It's not due to any silly things like that.
     
    #5 Clay, Dec 22, 2014
  6. clockworkfox

    clockworkfox
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    I have to second Clay. Don't doubt yourself just because your mom doesn't believe you. (*hug*)
     
    #6 clockworkfox, Dec 22, 2014
  7. redneck

    redneck
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    I finally came out to my parents in June. One of the points that many people reminded me of was that coming out is about you telling people who you are it's not about them believing you. You have had time to process and know who you are. You probably blindsided her. Give her some time to process and maybe the shock will wear off (then again it might not).
     
    #7 redneck, Dec 22, 2014
  8. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    I totally agree with redneck. you've done your part. you're out to her. what she thinks, chooses to believe, or chooses not to believe is her problem, not yours. Just live your life, be you. When she, or any other doubting Thomases in your family, start noticing that you seem to be going out with women all the time and not men, or that you even have a girlfriend, maybe the light bulb will go on. :bulb: and if they still don't get it, or they ask about it, well DUH!!! bottom line, you said it, you're out, now just enjoy life and never get into another one of those dark, cold, lonely closets again as long as you live!
     
    #8 Wildside, Dec 22, 2014
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