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Did I miss my chance to come out?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Erzulie, Dec 22, 2014.

  1. Erzulie

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    My best friend asked me if I was gay a few days ago when I was over her house. Like flat out asked me while she was face-timing with her boyfriend. (Really she has very little forethought) I am not out to anyone yet, but I sort of hesitated, so she was like "wait, do you want me to hang up?" I told her I wasn't because even if I told her to hang up, her boyfriend would know something is up, and I really don't know him that well.

    A little while later, she asked me again. I hesitated again and but told her I wasn't in the end . I just kept sort of doing that nervous smile and chuckle thing. I don't know why I couldn't work up the nerve to tell her. She proceeded to tell me that for about a year she sincerely thought she was gay. She came out to everyone she was close with at the time (we were friends then but not as close as we are now) And I still couldn't tell her. I think she kind of has an inkling, but I guess I just wasn't ready to talk about it yet. She said "you seem like you could swing both ways" and to that i said, well i guess if the right girl comes along. Did I miss my chance to come out to her? I feel like it would be easier to come out after I have found someone that I want to date, but it's harder to find someone if you are not out i guess.

    Why can't it just be like in the movies where the right girl just sort of comes along, and then it just sort of happens, so at least you have someone by your side when you come out to friends and family.
     
  2. foamfloater

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    I dont know.
    I was pressured to come out by a close friend once and it just made me feel awful. Esp when he said that "everyone knows you are gay"... Im sure she/and he meant well, but its not a easy situation to be in for you. You should be the one to set the time and place. Its never too late!

    Also want to add about waiting for a girl to come around.. dont. I thought the same and have wasted years in the same situation. Its not fun. Good luck.
     
  3. Erzulie

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    Thanks for sharing your experiences. That really helps.
     
  4. MissBookworm

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    No, you didn't 'lose your chance'. Honestly, if she ever brings up the fact that you denied it, you can always respond with either, "I wasn't sure back then" or "I wasn't ready". You can also bring up the fact that her boyfriend was FaceTiming then. Just wait until you feel like it's a good time to come out; don't let anyone pressure you into doing it.
     
  5. Erick

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    She sounds like a strong supportive friend, you can easily just tell her. She seems extremely accepting and like an amazing person.

    I honestly think you should tell her whenever.
     
  6. I believe there are no "chances" to come out, there is only coming out itself. I was asked that question many times before I came out, but it didn't invalidate or deny my sexuality once I really did come out. Generally, people understand that coming out is a tough process and not feeling ready at the time of their questioning is completely understandable. Tell her when you are ready. No pressure.
     
  7. Composerbpc

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    It's never too late to come out. I think she'll accept you no matter what. Good luck to you.
     
  8. Psaurus918

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    Nope. My best friend has been asking me for years and I've always flat out said no. The last year or so I've changed up my answer hoping he would catch on. One of these days I'm just going to tell him "cold turkey" like ripping off a bandaid