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I came out to my mon, but still felt a long journey to go

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by simpleLife, Dec 23, 2014.

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  1. simpleLife

    simpleLife
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    my previous post
    http://emptyclosets.com/forum/coming-out-advice/162861-i-want-come-out-my-mother-so-eagerly.html


    Hi all,

    thank you for all your help, I am not long on this forum and the partial reason I want to be here is I want to seek help and suggestion.

    I understand that dealing with coming out is case by case, sometimes heard positive feedback and sometimes negative one.

    This morning, I came out to my mother, I told her I only have interest in man but not girl.

    To my surprise, she was calm but then told me:"You are still young, you havent met too many, perhaps staying with them for a long time and have a one night trial to see what happen; I hoped you can be changed, but if not, I still accept this truth; after all, you are my son, I wont commit suicide just because you told me this thing ."

    When I added:"I will announce this "news" to everyone soon." She told me not to do so because she may feel shameful among family member; after all, Chinese culture is not as open as USA's.

    This is my story. She wants me to change, but I know it's impossible. I didnt argue but just listened.

    She wants me to be happy but she feels I need a true life partner to take care of myself. In this digit age full of some crapware like JackD, ******, S*****,etc,etc, it's so hard to find your right man.... this is my next year challenge because I feel a little relieved now and can do the thing I really want to. People talk about joining interest clubs, attend meeting, etc etc as those means may help find partner

    thank you everyone!! thanks EmptyCloset
     
    #1 simpleLife, Dec 23, 2014
  2. AJ2014

    AJ2014
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    I think your Mum needs time you know you can't change and in time she will come to realise that too. but it is good she accepts you. my Dad needed time when I came out but now hes fine. Well dont mate and good luck on trying to find yourself a men.
     
    #2 AJ2014, Dec 25, 2014
  3. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    Congratulations, SimpleLife!!! that is wonderful that you came out to your mum, and that she is so accepting. be as patient with her as she is with you. gay doesn't go away, so she will realize with time that this is not just a phase, it is who you are. it may be hard and take time to meet the right man, but it is better to take your time than to enter a heterosexual marriage that would make you and her unhappy. Are you in China or the USA?
     
    #3 Wildside, Dec 25, 2014
  4. simpleLife

    simpleLife
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    Thanks, Wildside, I am in US.

    Here comes the problem now.

    She now keeps saying I am homo because i never have contact with girl, she urges me to try... SEXUALLY....and ask me to explain/tell story how and why I am homo...

    I am not good at arguing so I ignore and tell her to do some relevant research online herself....

    Plus, she told me not to broadcast to relatives; otherwise, she feels she will lose face and people will treat her differently....


    that's a so long journey.........definitely.............
     
    #4 simpleLife, Dec 25, 2014
  5. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    OK, thanks for the clarification. that explains the whole "Chinese culture vs. things in the US" thing. Well, then there are definitely lots of opportunities to find men here in the US, for friendship, romance, and much more. That's definitely a good way to validate your sexuality!!! I definitely wouldn't have sex with women just to prove that point (ewwwww :eusa_sick) nor does it sound like you have any intention of doing that either. so, is the issue that you WANT to come out to everybody in the family?
     
    #5 Wildside, Dec 25, 2014
  6. simpleLife

    simpleLife
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    Well, everyone starts to worry about my bachelor status and struggle to find a female for me.... whenever they try to introduce a girl to me, I decline, decline...

    I feel I cannot hold this anyone, so i decide to come out to my mother first...

    To be honest, I am 27, but I havent gone to gay bar, attended a pride parade...After this coming out, I feel I am a little relieved and can do those thing I want to. Of course those tings can be done without coming out, but just feel that I am being myself this time :slight_smile:
     
    #6 simpleLife, Dec 26, 2014
  7. IWICCO

    IWICCO
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    Good for you, SimpleLife! Be your authentic self.
     
    #7 IWICCO, Dec 26, 2014
  8. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    That is great. You're out to your mother, and that is a big deal. The great thing about where we are out in the US now is that we can just choose to lead normal lives as gay people, which is why issues like marriage and adoption equality are so important. We can choose to the gay pride events, gay bars, and who lifestyle event thing; or we can choose to just be happily gay leading normal boring lives, ideally with a loving partner at some point.
    But as far as the worrying about bachelor status, I can REALLY relate to that. When I was 20, back in the late 70's, I read something by some humorist who was joking that "yeah, everybody assumes you're playing the field when there is no significant other in your life in your early 20's; but once you get to your mid-20's, you better find a wife or they're going ot start thinking you're gay." Just a joke, but I took it seriously and basically married the first available woman, right before my 24th birthday. And now, 35 years later, I can tell you that it was no joke. I am so glad to see that you are much more in control of your life!:thumbsup:
     
    #8 Wildside, Dec 27, 2014
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