Have another account but email's no longer active and can't remember the password. Oh well. So I realized about a year ago that I'm bi. And by 'realized', I mean got over the fact that I like chicks and dated a girl for about a month. Now I'm out and bi to pretty much everyone--except my family. I grew up in a very liberal and accepting household, so I felt a lot of guilt growing up for not being 'out', despite that I knew I was attracted to boys and girls (and all inbetween, hayyyy) since I was a wee one. So finally told my mom about being into bdsm and chicks, and she doesn't care, very supportive, all that. She grew up unconventionally and was an actress and all that good stuff. When I mentioned that I wanted to tell my dad, she strongly advised me not to. He came from a very conservative background--e.g., grandparents moved out of San Fran because "too many chinamen were moving into the neighborhood." They love me unconditionally (I hope) but there's a serious history of alcoholism and rage and paranoia in that family and he did abuse me verbally and my mom verbally and physically when I was like a baby to age seven (it stopped after they divorced, obvs). I know he's getting better with his rage, but I'm worried if I tell him that he'll freak out and scream at me, and I really don't want to deal with that over Christmas break. Am I a coward for not telling him? I might have a serious long-term relationship with a woman eventually; what do I do then? That side of the family is financially supporting me while I'm at college and they're already wary of me being out of state, so there is a distinct possibility that they won't help me out anymore, or worse, disown me entirely. I don't know if I'm overreacting since they are my family and they love me, but they also can be a bunch of drunks and abusers. Am I in the wrong? Thanks.
Um, I don't think you're in the wrong or that you're a coward for not wanting to be physically and verbally abused plus have no financial support. I have an uncle who sounds kinda like your dad; even if I considered myself a coward for having a hard time coming out to my parents, I consider myself SMART for not wanting to come out to my uncle, because I know what would happen. So no, you are not a coward for not wanting such bad things to happen to you!
First off, no. You are not a coward. You are smart. There s a thin line between being brave and being stupid. Anyways. I'd say cross that bridge when and if you gt there. For the time being, I'd say work on getting through college and reevaluate your position once you've graduated. If you're not in a relationship, and you're financially dependent, then there's no reason your dad needs to know. It's your business, not his Good luck!~
I would think your mothers advice would be fairly good as she knows him quite well. But at some stage you will need to tell him or he might find out. With the risks involved you have to ask is it necessary to come out right now? As he is inclined to fly into rages you might want to come out from a distance, i.e. in a letter, an email a text or over the phone. As always, with coming out it is best to do is in a way that you are fully in control of the situation. Fear is a much maligned emotion, it's function is to keep us alive and safe. Look after yourself and I hope things work out for you.
and here is one more voice to say, no you are not a coward!!! frankly, there is no reason to tell him at this time. he hasn't done much good for you or your mother. don't give him or his oh-so-special family an excuse now to stop supporting you financially when you're in college. I don't think that I would be particularly anxious to expose any special person in my life to this gang of sociopaths, but I definitely wouldn't do it while I was still depending on their cash stream. Later on, when you're really independent, you can decide. No need to worry about that now. But in the realm of what if's, what if you meet a special woman, you form a life together, and have a child. would you want to expose that child to this side of the family? so that s/he could also be scarred? be thankful that you have so a good and wise mother. she will be a source of good advice for you for years to come. (&&&)
Of course you're not! Family is the hardest group of people to come out to. You've known them the longest, and if you rely on them for support or love, it would definitely be a difficult thing to bring yourself to do. Only come out when you feel ready, don't force yourself to. And remember, if they don't support you, everyone here does!
Of course your not a coward. The fact your father was emotionally and physically abusive you have a right to be very cautious. If you want to tell them I would do it along with someone who supports you. I would strongly encourage not to come out to him while being alone with him. He does not sound trustworthy and in reality you don't have to tell him anything if you really don't want to yet.
You're definitely not a coward. My dad is extremely conservative too, and I'm not planning on coming out until I feel it's absolutely necessary. Because of his history of verbal of abuse, I would recommend waiting to come out until you are not dependent on him financially or anything. Of course do what you want; however, your safety is so so important. It's hard to deal with parents like this, so I totally understand where you're coming from. Never feel obligated to do something you're not comfortable with though. No one blames you for not being ready to come out yet. If you ever want to talk more, feel free to message me.
Absolutely not, you are not a coward. I'm in the same situation with my folks only my dad knows and my mother doesn't. My dad is understanding of who I am and my mom has a conservative point of view. I want to tell her some day and I will. Waiting for the right time doesn't make you and I cowards, we're just finding the right time that's if we choose to find one, I definitely do even if it takes me a couple of years and I know you will too.
