I am visiting my home town over winter break and I randomly get this message on facebook from one of my old friends. "Are you gay?". This person knows a lot of my friends and I am not super good friends with him. I'm not sure how to react. One part of me wants to say "yes", another wants to say "no", and another wants to tell sort of bat around the bush and say "I have many LGBTQ friends and am an advocate for them.". What do you think I should do? I don't want to out myself right now to people unless they are good friends, or specifically ask. I don't think it is any of his business, but I don't really want to tell him that. Any suggestions? I could simply just not reply to his message.
i wouldn't bother answering his message x) it's not of his business, especially if he's not even close to you!
how about, "why do you ask?" who knows, maybe he wants to come out to you. his motives could be good, could be bad, but that sort of noncommittal answers just lobs the ball back into his court.
@Wildside he's kind of one of those "bro" kind of dudes. He's not super nice, but isn't a jerk to me. I'm afraid he'll be a jerk if I do come out to him, and I don't want to deal with that.
well, I guess you could read anything you want into that. and if you just want to ignore him, then go ahead. but I think it's kind of like someone asking, "are you a capricorn?" and I answer "why do you ask?". It really just means that I don't understand why you are asking me that question out of the blue.
it's a simple question, isn't honesty the best policy here? technically it isn't his business but i don't see reasoning to be a jerk off over a simple question. if you aren't going to confess the answer yes, then either ask why he's asking or don't reply. ball's in your court dude.
so, I'm understanding that to mean that he's telling you he's gay, is that correct? if so, you got to put him at ease now. if he just came out to you, he's scared now and waiting for your reaction. make it a good one.
Honestly he was probably drunk when he posted both of these... He is pretty careless. And I doubt that he is gay. I think he's just one of those people who want to know. He may be intolerant or just curious.
well, I guess the only way to know for sure is to ask him exactly what he meant. If he's not gay and just mean, he would be taking a big chance to say he's gay in a text; so if he's willing to do that, he is probably really gay. but I agree that so far, it is a little vague. though if you react as if he is gay, and respond "wow, I didn't know that you were guy. hey man, don't worry, you're secret is safe with me," he will either respond the right way or will freak out and say "WTF?". volley that ball right back into his court where it belongs!
You could reply: "I'm not sure what you meant by "for myself", but I should tell you that I am not physically attracted to you, if that is what you are asking. If you are just asking me because you are gay, and want to know how I would feel about that, then my answer is that it does not bother me at all. I will not mention that you asked to anyone, because it is up to you to tell anyone when you are ready to, not for them to ask you just because they want to know."
