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How to come out to my mom and my boyfriend?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by SpiritBird, Dec 26, 2014.

  1. SpiritBird

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 26, 2014
    Messages:
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    Location:
    NJ
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    So I'm dealing with two types of people, who need to be approached differently.

    My mom is wonderful and has always tried hard to make us comfortable in our skin. Whenever she had to talk to us as children about dating, she never failed to say, "Or [same sex], if that's what you want." So in theory, I should have no worries about coming out to her...right?
    Well, for as understanding as she is, she also thinks I'm highly impulsive. I'm not the kind of person who "talks it out" though, I spend months thinking about things and then pop out with, "This is what I'm doing!" So I understand the accusations that I'm impulsive, because she doesn't see the process in my head, but it makes me really nervous to come out because I'm afraid she's not going to take me seriously.

    We work in the same office and her best friend (who works with us) is gay. However, she has her own issues. She constantly tries to out me, even though I've never come out to her, and the other night I had the perfect opportunity to come out and have it seem "natural" but then my mom said, "And don't let her pressure you! I caught what she was saying yesterday, and don't let her pressure you!" :icon_sad:
    No, no, she's right! I'm gay! I'm so freaking gay I cry rainbows! COME ON!


    And then there's the boyfriend. He's a really nice guy, love him to death...as a friend. He's come a long way since we first met, because he was a quiet homophobe before. Like, "I don't think they deserve the hate they get, but I also don't think their lifestyle is right" kinda guy.
    I tried to come out to him a couple weeks ago, I just opened with, "I'm gay" and he responded, "I know." Obviously, I thought he was mistaking me coming out as a joke, so I clarified, "No, like I'm a total lesbian. I like women." And he responded with, "Yeah, I know." And then changed the subject. :bang:


    Help? I really need my boyfriend to understand that I'm gay because there is this girl who I am head over heels for and I feel weird going on a date with her before this mess is cleared up. It's not fair to any of us, you know?

    And my mom...I really have no idea. :help:
     
  2. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    actually, your mother sounds like the easy one, because she has made it so clear that she is supportive. You just need to start the conversation. ("Mom, I need to talk to you about something. Can we sit down for a moment...). Once you start it, the momentum will keep you going. As far as the boyfriend, I don't know, it sounds like you've already come out to him. So, just in case he really doesn't believe you, the next time he calls to make a date (or however you all get together), tell him that you really don't think that the two of you should keep seeing each other like that, what with you being gay and all...