Hi all, Nearly came out to my mates tonight when we were having a christmas/boxing day meal but just couldn't find the right time. >< Which is a shame because two out of the 5 people there already knew, but, stupid nerves got in the way. Had a good opportunity too as a discussion on sex and sexuality came up, but being the lads they are it just turned into ladish jokes, all the while I was sitting there smiling to myself in my own head about to go ... oh by the way I'm bisexual/questioning (I'm not even anywhere close to figuring out a "correct" label, but that's not really the point). So instead of just going for it ... I kept my mouth shut. On the plus side I came out to my sister yesterday which was GREAT! :icon_bigg :eusa_danc I'm not surprised I bottled it tonight though - an internal solid brick-wall defense built up from years of denial and anxiety doesn't exactly get broken all that easily. I'm 26 and it only clicked in my head a few months ago as it is. It's insane how shame and mis-interpreted emotions, combined with a bit of ignorance and mis-understanding, can snowball and become so consuming as life goes on - and seep into all other aspects of your life. Heh, even subconciously - like I wouldn't even want to get too drunk because I'd be afraid of saying I was gay, while at the same time never joining the dots and asking myself, "Am I gay?". :lol: Crazy stuff... :bang: Anyway. A belated Merry Christmas everyone! And to all of you reading, a very Happy New Year! You lovely people. Oh, would you look at that, I just came out to you all. (&&&) (*hug*)
Congratulations on coming out to your sister! And remember, the time is right when it's right. If it didn't feel right with your mates, just give it time.
I assume the two people you came out to are OK with it? What is holding you a back from telling the other two?
Thanks Wildside! Aye, a bit of time needed I think. Oh yup, they're ok with it and very supportive. I'm fortunate to have good friends like em. It was just nerves and I'm not great at talking with groups of people anyway - just a bit of a mental block/overthinking and I just couldn't get the words out or find the right part of the conversation to say it. Plus I've known these people since high school - so even though I know they'd be absolutely fine with it, there's still that moment of doubt in my mind, "Will they change the way they interact around me?" etc I didn't want them to interpret it as sort of ... selfish, either. (I don't know if that's the right word). I didn't want them to think it was an 'all eyes on me' type of thing - but again, I really doubt they would have thought that. That's just projected fear - inside I'm rather shy, and have always been the one, 'In the background', so being this honest in front of multiple people is hard. ... kind of ironic for me, as I'm a bass player and can perform on stage to a crowd of hundreds with ease, heh. Thinking about it now, they probably just would have gone, "Haha ... oh you're not joking. Ok, cool." *raise glasses, clink* ^^ That's one of THE biggest things I've found so far about coming out to people, (or the handful of people I'm out to) it dosn't matter how much I get nervous, or get ready to "fight my corner" or "answer questions", they either don't care/mind and are fine with it, or incredibly supportive and just ... understand. I'm rambling here but who cares: I know "coming out" is different for everyone. But for me it has rapidly become clear that it is so much more than sex, sexuality, romance, whatever. (In fact I wouldn't even know because I've never had sex with anyone and I've never been in a relationship. ^^) It's being yourself, being comfortable! Which makes learning, interacting/connecting with people, and developing a sense of self so much EASIER. It's as if I've been stuck in a teenage-like view of the world my entire life - a 'not-so-blissful' ignorance which I got trapped in; partly from bullying, partly from society, partly from myself. My education, my social skills, everything; it's as though from childhood I've just been copying what everyone else did and never living for myself, because I was too ashamed of something, too different somehow, and as much as I tried to copy everyone, it never ... ever ... worked. :icon_sad: Well no more of that! Time to go do stuff, and join in with the rest of you crazy, beautiful people in this world. :icon_bigg (&&&) End of rant!
I'm sure many of us can relate to everything you've spoken about in this thread. Denial really does seep into our very core and it takes some effort to kick it out and say to ourselves, "no more hiding". I'm out to most people now, but I still get a little bit tense when I meet someone new and it comes to telling them I'm gay. It's nothing like it used to be, but it's still there.. just a little bit. Don't beat yourself up for not coming out the other night. It's only a few months since it 'clicked' for you, so you are doing amazingly well to tell anyone just yet. For many of us there is a long period in between self acceptance and coming out for the first time. You are making progress, so be proud of yourself for that. ride:
Tommyjw, it sounds like you have a great group of friends. You will tell them all when it ia right for you, but just know the longer it takes the longer you are keeping your true self hidden from the entire group of friends. I wouldn't want the other two to feel slighted. It sounds like you have a lot of living to do. Embrace yourself and go live life to the fullest! You deserve it.
ABSOLUTELY RIGHT!!! If we can't ramble on at EC, where can we? And it's all good. I find that when I am rambling on, that is when all of the sudden some real truth is able to bubble up. I think that the rambling short circuits the protective barriers in my break, and the truth rises up to the level of consciousness. and now I'm rambling on! :icon_wink
