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I had a weird dream

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Sepulse, Dec 27, 2014.

  1. Sepulse

    Sepulse Guest

    I know a gay man in real life. A few days ago I had a weird dream about him. He was urging me to come out as bi. That was a really weird dream. He never told me to come out in real life.
     
  2. Themis

    Regular Member

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    But why would it matter how you would define yourself to the outside world?

    gay, bi, straight, they're just labels so that the outside world understands you. I see that you filled in "hopefully gay" as orientation, but why would you hope that? I mean, I understand that it might be more easy.. but you are you, and you are unique. Whatever you label yourself as does not matter as long as you are open to yourself and happy about it, that is the only reason you label yourself for the outside world.

    I thought I was straight until my early 17th. A girl I loved so much had disappeared from my life, and suddenly I started to notice that I was attracted to some guys. I then assumed that I was gay. I mean you're either gay or straight right?
    But later I fell in love with another girl again... it was so confusing, and from that moment onwards I went back and forth from gay to straight. It took me a while to realize that I was neither, that I was bi. But even then, until halfway my 18th I kept wondering what my preference was, it kept bothering me. Only later did I realize that it is all just so pointless, it doesn't matter any bit how you yourself label you. If you get that accusation in your dream I guess deep inside of you this must be a conflict. So... maybe that means you really are bi? Or not, maybe you're just overthinking it. But my point is that it doesn't matter, but be open to yourself about it. If you ever are to meet a guy in your life with whom you can fall in love, allow yourself to fall in love. Just let these thoughts go. If you, after a few years, have met some guys on who you've been crushing, perhaps you can decide to tell the world you're actually bi (just for the sake that they understand you, that they understand you could also end up with a guy. But don't do that because you see it as a duty, it's not a sin to not tell the world, as long as you don't deny it to yourself). And maybe if that has not happened, you can keep things the way they are.
    And even if you do discover you have some minor feelings for men, if you prefer women and don't think you'll likely end up dating a men, why bother telling that to the world? You'd probably only be dating women, you've already told them they can expect you to date women, that's all they need to now.
     
  3. Sepulse

    Sepulse Guest

    When I was fifteen I did come out as bi to a few people. It didn't actually go well. The majority of those people pressured me to date men. The only people that didn't were queer themselves. Identifying as bi just made me more confused.

    I don't want to say that I'm questioning or bi with a preference for women. That just sounds bad to me. It makes it sound like I'm making a choice and my gay feelings are unnatural. I'm feminine looking so most people assume I wasn't born that way.

    I just hate that coming out as bi makes people pressure me to date guys. If they didn't pressure me I'd probably be out as bi. Mostly as a safety net. I'm sick of people thinking I'm straight. It seems like people accept me when they think I'm a straight girl who just doesn't feel like dating. As soon as I say I'm gay or bi that acceptance goes away.
     
  4. jay777

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    Well what about if you say you like girls for now... or you prefer girls for the moment...

    another option would be queer... saying you like people, but prefer women...
     
  5. Sepulse

    Sepulse Guest

    I don't feel comfortable saying that. I could say I'm queer. Too bad most straight people don't know what it means. I really don't want to say that I "prefer" girls.
     
    #5 Sepulse, Dec 27, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 27, 2014
  6. MissBookworm

    MissBookworm Guest

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    I see what you men by not wanting to say that you 'prefer' girls. When you say that, it comes off, to a homophobe, as saying, "I prefer girls, but I guess I could date a guy. I mean, I still like them." It can end up pressuring you into only dating guys. You can just say, "I'm gay," if you really need or want to come out. Sexual orientation can change throughout life, and you can explain that to them if you come out as bisexual later on. If you want to come out as bi, but don't want to say 'prefer', you could say something like, 'I like girls a lot more than boys' although it's not much better.