Staying home for college = not coming out (please help me with this huge dilemma)?

I'm in a very tough spot right now. Basically, I have two choices for college. Go to the great college ten minutes away from home, and live at home to save money, or move out and go to a state school (I would justify the cost of a good college if I could negate the price by living at home, but if I moved out, I would go to a cheaper, less "admirable" state school for financial reasons).

If I stay at home, I won't be coming out anytime soon. Period. My parents are incredibly uncomfortable with gay people. I would never mention anything while living at home, because that would make things too awkward for me. Forget dating. If I went to college close to home and lived at home, that means I would basically have no one to talk to for four years; I would have to put that portion of my life on hold completely. College is supposed to be the best time of your life, and I feel like a part of it would be wasted by continuing to repress this secret. I suppose I could seek some consolation by telling my sister, but I know what would happen next. My sister can't keep a secret from my family. If I told her something like this, I know that within the month, she would start pressuring me to share with other people, and if I didn't, she would get mad at me and it would put a strain on our relationship. She's not good at keeping secrets like this, especially if she's the only one who knows and can't talk about it with other people. It's happened with something similar before.

Logically, I should move out, right? Wrong. If I moved out, I would have to sacrifice going to a better school. I live by a great school, and it's a perfect coincidence. I would also have to live alone, and I don't know if I could do that. I'm not very independent. I can't drive, I've never had a job. Moving out would be very rough, even though I'm sure I could pull through. I feel temped to stay at home because I feel like I'd get very homesick and miss my parents, but is that worth the pain of 4 more years of this secret?

What do I do! I'm so lost. I feel like I have to make this decision all on my own. My family doesn't understand why I'm against living at home and going to college here, and all the reasons I give are flimsy. I can't tell them what's actually on my mind. I wish I could talk to someone, anyone. This is a huge, important milestone in my life, and withholding a big factor from the conversation is starting to confuse people. Help?

 

Re: Staying home for college = not coming out (please help me with this huge dilemma)

I know, I know. I just have a feeling it would be extremely uncomfortable for me. I can picture it now....