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How do I stop obsessing about coming out?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Sepulse, Dec 29, 2014.

  1. Sepulse

    Sepulse Guest

    Right now coming out shouldn't be a priority for me. I'm way too mentally unstable to handle coming out. Some days I'm pretty sure that I'm gay. Some days I'm convinced that I'm a bisexual or asexual in denial.

    Unfortunately I'm also obsessed with coming out. Whenever I'm talking to someone I somewhat know I keep on wondering whether I should come out to them. There's usually no good reason to, but the thoughts keep persisting. I don't know if this is because I'm sick of living a lie or just my OCD.

    Sometimes I wish there would be gay rumors about me. I wouldn't need to tell people I'm gay, people would know I'm not straight, they will be more likely to believe rumors and if I turn out not to be gay I can just tell everyone the rumors were false. Maybe I should find a way of spreading gay rumors about myself. It seems way better than straight up coming out.

    Traditionally coming out seems kind of cheesy and cliche anyways. :slight_smile:
     
  2. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    I don't know, but I think that we put so much energy into hiding what is such a central part of us, that it only makes sense that we would spend so much time obsessing about coming out. if you're dealing with a lot of issues right now, I hope hope hope that you have somewhere to turn for help. if you do, this is another issue that you could bring to that safe place.
    I share your feeling about the whole coming out process, and I've been kind of doing that rumor thing, but liking and following things of facebook, like LGBT news, posting things like the story about dolly parton defending us, wearing rainbow things like shoelaces and watchband and key fob, etc. so, people may wonder, may gossip. but remember, when we let the rumors start, we don't have any control of the process and we may not like the way that goes, and not be able to redirect it. the one thing about just coming out is that there is more control of what is happening. but alternatively, we can just live as if we were out, and it will kind of become reality on its own. (&&&)
     
  3. Sepulse

    Sepulse Guest

    I'm kind of out to a few people, but that was before my HOCD striked. I don't think I'm putting that much effort into hiding my sexual orientation. I do hide what girls I'm attracted to, but I also hide the music I listen to, the apps I use and the websites I go on. I guess I do hide what I like, but most of it has nothing to do with my sexuality. Well maybe my web history does. :slight_smile:

    I do have places to turn for my issues, but most people don't understand. :frowning2: I try to explain my issues the best I can, but I often end up repeating myself. :frowning2: My current therapist isn't trained to deal with OCD and sexuality. A lot of people on LGBT sites treat me like I'm just an average questioning youth. I really don't feel like one at this point. I was sort of questioning my sexuality when I was fourteen and fifteen, but that turned into HOCD. Maybe I'll just write a blog entry about this.

    Too bad I'm not really on Facebook. Even if I was, I think liking gay stuff would make me look like a straight ally. If I start dating a girl it will probably look like a close friendship unless she's butch looking.
     
  4. all paths

    Full Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    Location:
    USA, Washington state
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    You could totally give some stranger your friends'/family's/parents' phone numbers, and ask them to call and leave anonymous messages (or hang ups after delivering the message) that "so-and-so is gay, thought you should know." xD

    Give some Random (someone who looks safe, though) on the street a buck, a phone number and your first name to say (when they call and say "so-and-so") and ask them if they'll do you a favor. lol If they're like, "whose name is this? I don't want to out someone who doesn't wanna be outed" you can show them a piece of picture ID (cover up your last name and any address info with your thumb) with your first name and pic on it, and hopefully they'll believe that it's you and you didn't make a fake ID just to out someone you hate. lol

    :grin: Okay, so all of these are kinda lame and maybe only semi-realistic. But you sounded desperate, and I'm all about trying to make unlikely scenarios possibly possible, so.... xD

    ON A REALISTIC NOTE:

    Don't feel bad about being obsessed with coming out. Before I came out to my best friend and (kinda?) to my mom, it was all I could think about. And it only got worse over time. (Aren't I a ray of sunshine for you here? xD )

    And it's still something I think about a LOT - about coming out to extended friends and family. It's completely normal.


    One of my favorite quotes is:

    "Coming out is like throwing up. You know exactly when you have to do it."
    - Randy Phillips

    And it was like that so far both times for me, with my best friend and my mom.

    (*hug*) Best wishes to you.
     
  5. Sepulse

    Sepulse Guest

    I don't really feel bad about being obsessed with coming out. It's just taking over my life. I can't really come out because of my HOCD. I have come out before and it's been a bad experience most of the time.