I've been pretty lucky as few people have given me a hard time over my sexually. But there's this one guy that made me feel like shit over my sexuality for such a long. I'm pretty he knew and was being a jerk and not just being a jerk about it. So basically: *He's dating this girl I'm kinda friends with, so I have to see him sometimes -_- *He quit giving me a hard time, but he's kinda homophobic and bi-erases people (but he's out as bi~wtf?) But I just don't know why it bothers me so much. The feeling like he "won" really used to bother me. As bad as it sounds, I'm not really that great friends with these people anymore, so I'm thinking of just not hiding anymore, since I don't really feel like I have anything to lose really. But the feeling like he knew along and "won" is starting to consume me....But at the same time I don't want to lie about being straight. And since I'm pretty sure he knew along, I don't want to feel like he has that leverage over me. Summary: Advice on feeling like assholes who gave you a hard time were right all along?
I know exactly where you're coming from. There were a few guys and girls who teased me quite a bit in middle school and high school because they suspected I was gay, and I run into one of them every now and then at college. While I'm out to most of the people around me, I find it difficult even stomaching the thought of disclosing my sexuality to those idiots. It's for the same reason you mentioned: They seem like the kind of people who would consider it a victory, like "HA! Told ya so! I knew you were a queer all along!" or something to that effect, which kills me. With that said, our situations are a little different considering it sounds like you hang with this guy from time to time - something I fortunately don't have to do. Anyway, as far as advice goes, I'd say it really depends on how much stock you place on your friendship (between yourself and your girl friend, that is). If she doesn't mean too much to you (which is what it sounds like), then, honestly, I'd say it's not even worth the headache. Just forget about them. On the other hand, if the two of you are reasonably close, then I think you need to swallow your pride and be open and honest about who you are; if things don't calm down after that, then I'd probably confront the little turd; and if things STILL don't calm down, I'd tell your friend you can't see her anymore provided her boyfriend is present. That's my two cents anyway...
I was bullied because people suspected I was gay (nasty rumor spreading and exclusion) at one school I went to (thankfully I was only there for a year) – 8th grade. When I went back three of years later to visit a friend of mine for a day, I was completely out as gay (this was before I came out as trans) and my mentality going in was:
He can't win cause he may never have you. He have no power over who you are so he can't ever win. The decision is yours at the end, If you feel like you have nothing to lose and want to reveal your gayness than do it. That guy got issues wouldn't surprise me if he tries to get in your pants if you came out to him.
I will answer you with a much repeated phrase, but it always helps me: stop letting him live rent free in your head! evict him from your mind. he's not even worth thinking up. toss him out like the morning trash. another cliche, but stop playing those same tapes over and over again, that make you experience that old pain like it was new. he is "winning" only because you keep replaying this all in your head. and now that real truth: you're the winner. you're the guy worth getting to know, you're the guy worth having as a friend. and if he is a jerk, he is going to convince everyone else of that eventually. you don't have to be bothered. just get on with your wonderful life, and enjoy it. the best revenge is to be happy! (!) (!!) (!)
