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College Roommate(s)

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by MLCarr, Oct 20, 2008.

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  1. MLCarr

    MLCarr
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    Did ya'll tell your roommates? I'm stuck on the fence on this.

    Sign-ups for next year are in a few days, I already know who I will room with. But here's the problem. I'm at a conservative Christian university in Texas. (Commence laughing now...It's ok, I am too.) But anyway, I'll be a Junior next fall.

    Moving on... This year my university started up an Equality Alliance which I am very happy about. (I'm tired of being lonely for one...) But now the delema comes. I'm going to have to tell them if I want them to trust me at all. I live in (currently and next year) a suite with 5 other girls. I'm in a double room with one other girl and we share a bathroom.

    The question I have for ya'll is:
    Should I do as I have in the past and just let them ask if they're curious but otherwise lay low OR should I go ahead and tell the one girl I have as a actual room roommate.

    I'll honestly tell you I'm leaning towards go ahead and tell her so she can back out of she is uncomfortable. I don't think it will be a problem with her at least. I'm just a big scarred because I've heard horror stories about roommates and minor freak-outs from the past.

    Anyone have advice or experience?

    Madeline
     
    #1 MLCarr, Oct 20, 2008
  2. Enaithor

    Enaithor
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    Personally I wouldn't
    But I'm a bit of a closet case
    Uhm it sounds like a good idea to
    But bearing in mind you are going to have to be in the same room as her and depending on her views on homosexuality she might think you're going to want to shag her
    If you try and gauge her views, maybe drop hints into the conversation but don't actually say you're a lesbian
     
    #2 Enaithor, Oct 20, 2008
  3. MLCarr

    MLCarr
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    She seems cool with it, I've dropped hints before. This is why I'm not sure...
     
    #3 MLCarr, Oct 20, 2008
  4. Midnight Angel

    Midnight Angel Guest

    I told my roommates they're cool with it. If she seems cool with it it might be worth investigating further.
     
    #4 Midnight Angel, Oct 20, 2008
  5. Matty

    Matty
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    Think about the lifestyle you have...are you socially open about your orientation already (or going to be)? If so, then I'd communicate if you feel she has a problem with homosexuality in general.
     
    #5 Matty, Oct 20, 2008
  6. BlakeHarmony

    BlakeHarmony
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    If you tell her before and make sure she knows you wont be pervy or hit on her or something, she either wont care or ask for a different roommate, if you tell her latter, she'll either be fine, or go through every interaction you two have had up until then and find a way to make it seem like you were hitting on her, checking her out, or doing something inappropriate...
    I would personally go with the first option and tell her sooner rather than latter, but, as I said, make sure she knows you wont be pervy or hit on her or something...
     
    #6 BlakeHarmony, Oct 20, 2008
  7. MLCarr

    MLCarr
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    You just stated exactly what I tried to say, but well...I'm an Engineer and words tend to fail me, but I could mathematically prove one way or the other which is a better thing statistically to do!

    Yeah, I would have to be really careful to prove that I won't hit on her. People here tend to think that if you're gay you hit on anything that moves. Its sad. But I hope she understands when/if I tell her.
     
    #7 MLCarr, Oct 20, 2008
  8. sdc91

    sdc91
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    I told my roommate, and he was fine with it.

    I'm not sure how Baylor is with gay people (I'm assuming Baylor, since you're in Waco), but I've heard it was kinda bad. Then again, your roommate might be totally fine with it and everything will be fine.

    I felt a lot better after I told my roommate. It took some time getting used to (about a month), but then I think he forgot about it.
     
    #8 sdc91, Oct 20, 2008
  9. MLCarr

    MLCarr
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    So I'm supposed to meet up with her in 15 minutes after we finish dinner. We're making a 10ft tall paper mache (sp?) bear for homecoming decorations. And yes, I go to Baylor. Wish me luck, I'll post to let ya'll know how it turns out.
     
    #9 MLCarr, Oct 20, 2008
  10. Derek the Wolf

    Derek the Wolf
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    Good luck!
    I'm not in college, but I'm a very open person 1-on-1. My roommate will find out within the first 2 weeks whether I tell him or not.
     
    #10 Derek the Wolf, Oct 20, 2008
  11. StandingUp

    StandingUp
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    Good Luck. I'd like to know how it goes. I've not told my roommate yet, but I've been kinda trying to find out her opinions on sexuality and so far I am clueless. Good Luck
     
    #11 StandingUp, Oct 20, 2008
  12. MLCarr

    MLCarr
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    Ok, well I talked to her. And things are cool. :icon_bigg She actually reacted better than I thought. Turns out she thanked me for telling her in time, but that she still wants to room with me. *shrugs* It's awesome. I'm happy I don't have some stupid freshman as a roommate next year.

    Oh, and now I'm going over to Brian's with her and Doug and Garrett to watch some rocket scientist movie from the 80's. Fun stuff.

    (Did I mention that I should be doing my linear algebra homework insted? :eusa_doh: Oh well, one day isn't too bad...)
     
    #12 MLCarr, Oct 20, 2008
  13. Nodnarb

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    Congrats!
     
    #13 Nodnarb, Oct 20, 2008
  14. Markio

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    I have two roommates: one is pretty Christian and judgmental, and the other is from Asia and thinks homosexuality is caused by the environment. I'd rather tell the latter and keep it a secret from the former, but I don't know if that would be fair to the roommate I tell. Or if he'd really be cool with it.
     
    #14 Markio, Oct 20, 2008
  15. Myke

    Myke Guest

    Congrats!
    I don't know if I would be able to live with a bunch of random people. If I were to live on res I would get a single room but they cost more.
     
    #15 Myke, Oct 20, 2008
  16. BitterEdge

    BitterEdge Guest

    I haven't in the past, but would tell any future roommates. I actually hope my next roommate is gay/ bi.
     
    #16 BitterEdge, Oct 21, 2008
  17. Keiss

    Keiss
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    Our dorms are set up in a suite, two bedrooms, two guys per room, so four total per suite.

    As far as my roommate goes, I had no problems telling him, he's happens to be gay too.

    As far as my suitemates, I haven't told them, but have led on to the fact I was gay. My roommate, however, told them he was gay and they had no issues with it. I just have a weird thing about telling people because I know they will treat me differently than they already do. One thing I noticed about my suitemates, was after my roommate told them, they often makes jokes about his sexuality. He's fine with it. However, I wouldn't be.

    I'm glad you had some luck with your situation. I have a gay friend who went to Baylor. He dropped out shortly after starting because of some of the things he was told while there. Of course, I think it was better for him, he wasn't going because he wanted to.
     
    #17 Keiss, Oct 22, 2008
  18. buriedinhw7

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    I'm glad she took it well! I'm happy for you! And shame on you for ignoring your linear algebra homework. Haha.
     
    #18 buriedinhw7, Oct 23, 2008
  19. Enaithor

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    Congrats!! :slight_smile:
     
    #19 Enaithor, Oct 23, 2008
  20. GlindaRose

    GlindaRose
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    Gratz!! :grin:
     
    #20 GlindaRose, Oct 23, 2008
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