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Coming out to my best friend who I also share a house with

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by BlitzEileen, Jan 2, 2015.

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  1. BlitzEileen

    BlitzEileen
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    Hello, I'm new to the forum and I apologise for this being my first post, but I just need to talk to SOMEONE truthfully for once.

    My name is Eileen, I'm 21 and I have finally admitted to myself that I am gay. And now my problem is admitting that to everyone else.

    I want to tell my best friend first, because I know she is supportive of the LGBT community, and I am 100% certain she would be okay with it...outwardly anyway. The main reason I don't want to tell her is that we are extremely close, to the point of knowing each other for barely a year, we decided to move out of our family homes, and live together. We do everything together and are close to each other's families as well.

    In fact we are so close that her step-sister thought we were a couple, and my younger brother is always calling us lesbians, which the rest of my family goes very quiet after, so I'm pretty sure they think so too.

    She's not gay, but I'm afraid me telling her I am will make us grow further apart. That we can't play fight anymore, that I can't do nice gestures for her, compliment her without her thinking I want something more than her friendship. And I don't want her to stop doing these things around me, thinking it would mean more than friendship to me.

    And when her family eventually finds out, I don't want rumors of her being gay just because she is living with me. (They wouldn't be the most supportive)

    Writing this down makes my fears seem so silly, but it would genuinely be heartbreaking for me if our friendship changed after I told her. I'm just sick of having to lie to my best friend about a massive part of my life.

    I don't even know if I have a question here, but I just needed to see what other people thought! Or if anybody has been through something similar, and would like to share their experience with me?
     
    #1 BlitzEileen, Jan 2, 2015
  2. jay777

    jay777
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    Well you might think about what you want...
    as you describe it you want to keep her as friend and keep up the friendship...
    so if thats what you want, you just might tell her openly... and that you want to keep up the relationship as it is...


    (*hug*)
     
    #2 jay777, Jan 3, 2015
  3. Really

    Really
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    What if you followed up your telling her with asking if she knows any other nice lesbians she could introduce you to?
     
    #3 Really, Jan 4, 2015
  4. tulipinacup

    tulipinacup
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    Hey there Eileen! I don't see anything wrong with what you posted so it's all good! I can totally understand where you are coming from and if I have a close guy friend who I was not out with, I'd be very careful too. It really is a risk to come out to your friend not because she won't accept you but you don't want to stop the closure between you and her.

    Would it be ok if you talk to her about this in a hypothetical situation? Say your brother once again teased you guys as a couple, and you asked your friend with "What if we really are gay?" I think that will give you an answer whether or not if she is comfortable about being with someone who is gay.
     
    #4 tulipinacup, Jan 4, 2015
  5. user123456

    user123456
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    You could also tell her the same thing as you told us here - just be honest! You say she is supportive, and that you are like sisters. I am sure she will understand, and she will be glad that you are so honest with her.

    I myself was absolutely in love with my best friend whom I live with, and even though I have told him the truth about liking him, he said it is OK and that he wants to remain best friends, if I can handle it. Well, I handled it and now we are much better friends than before!
     
    #5 user123456, Jan 4, 2015
  6. BlitzEileen

    BlitzEileen
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    Thank you all so much for your replies. I was in a real 'don't think about it and it'll go away' sort of mood, but now I am determined to tell her tonight!

    I'm happy to see that others in my situation still remained close friends, and it will be such a relief to be 100% me around her!
     
    #6 BlitzEileen, Jan 4, 2015
  7. user123456

    user123456
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    So how did it go? Did you tell her?
     
    #7 user123456, Jan 11, 2015
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