I really, really want to just be out and get it off my chest. But it's like there's something that's pulling me back in when I just want to leave my closet. It's mixture of fear and.. and anger. The fear is the fear of the unknown, what's going to become of me after people react to my sexual orientation. The anger, the fact that people will react that way. I think the anger part is telling me to come out, show them that I'm different, unique if you will. It's a constant battle, and not one that I'm winning. The more I try and come out the deeper I get sucked into my closet and I have no way of circumventing it. I simply can't use my "fuck it" attitude with this. In my eyes, the sooner I come out the sooner I can be me, so why would I stop myself? :help:
I tried to rationalize too, "why should I wait?", "I don't care about other's opinion!" but it doesn't work apparently. I tried to come out a couple of times but couldn't because I couldn't start the sentence. I just kept quiet. Then I started practising aloud in my room and I could finally come out to my mom. And reading happy/funny coming out stories can help too, it gives you confidence in the fact that you will be accepted. It may not reflect reality 100% accurately but it boosts your good mood. Once you start to get how it works, what you have to say, when you have to say it, just like a speech learnt by heart; it gets easier. Also consider mentioning it in a casual conversation, it's easier because you don't have that stressful moment before the actual conversation. My advice is not very detailed because I haven't had many coming out experiences yet, but I hope that it helped you nonetheless.
You are really young and the fact that you are starting to come out is truly amazing. You are not alone in this. Coming out is hard, and you are scaried because it matters. Like person above me said, it is better to mention it in a casual conversation. And before telling someone, imagine you will be more free, because you will. Think about good reactions, not bad. I am starting to come out to people in my life, and there is a whole war inside of me, but I know, I have to be myself. Listen, ours lifes doesn't depend on what people think of us, right? Never forget that, you are not alone. Good luck!
Thanks, both of you. You guys helped me to come out to my mom. She turned out to be really open-minded and accepting. A side note: there was a little bummer. I am now closely monitored around my guy friends. :/
