I need help

For a long time I've known that I wasn't straight but it is only recently that I've been able to use the term gay in relation to myself. My problem is I'm terrified of telling anyone. A lot of people I know wouldn't react very well to it. It's so bad that I was even afraid to tell my roommate this past year (I'm now a sophomore in college) who was openly gay. Actually, this is the first time I've ever told anyone else.

I haven't a clue what I should do about this. It's like every time I think about saying something, some part of me screams "are you crazy?!" I just can't do it. I don't even know who I would tell. I'm sick of feeling this way. What's worse is that all of my friends keep trying to get me to go out with girls. I've even had some girls ask me out, I told them no, and when one of them asked if I was gay I said "definitely not." That was just last year.

The truth is, I want what all of my friends have. I see them holding hands with their boyfriends and girlfriends and I get so depressed because I can't have that. That and I'm afraid of never finding a relationship because my roommate is one of those "sleep with anyone" types and that's the mental image I have of gays. He fits into the classic stereotype and I don't, not at all...except for my dislike of sports. One of my friends actually called me the "straightest person they know."

I just don't know what to do. If you read all of this, thank you. At least someone knows the truth.

 

Hi jc88, welcome to EC.

My advice to you is that if you arent comfortable with telling anyone, then just put that on the back burner for now. Don't worry about telling anyone. Get more used to it yourself, before you worry about telling others. And you said your roommate fits into a stereotype, but thats all it is: a stereotype. Not to be cliche or anything but it is true that not all gays are like that. You yourself even proved that its only a stereotype by saying you dont fit the preconcieved image. Plus, you can find someone who you like who isn't like that all, when you're ready of course. But take things slowly, get more comfortable with things and then take it from there. Im sorry for the long post, but i wanted to try and address each part of yours. We're all here if you need us ^^.

 

Thanks. I actually appreciate the long post a lot. I think part of my problem is that every time I think "gay" I think "them" not "me". I know I'm not straight but I still have trouble associating myself with "gay." That probably doesn't make any sense.

 

Believe it or not, it does make sense to me. For example, people in my school use the ever popular "That's so gay" to mean stupid. But for some reason I don't get offended cause I still think well it should offend gay people not me. But I actually am gay. So I think the same way you do, that I'm clearly not straight but for some reason gay means another type of person which does not include me. But im slowly edging towards realizing I am included in that group.

 

Thanks to both of you. I guess you're right. It's just that waiting isn't easy. It's like the longer I go, the less chance I have. I thought I'd be able to do something in college, tell someone, but I had to be dumb and go to a university 30 minutes away from my house. Way to go me.....two of my best friends go there.

 

There's the Gay-Straight Alliance but I've heard it referred to as more of a "gay dating service" than anything else.

 

Hey, thanks to everyone who responded. I really really appreciate it. You're all right...I think I just need time to let this set in myself before I even consider telling anyone else.

 

I went to a movie with a friend last night and he was talking about how he's really upset because he broke up with his girlfriend and stuff....all I could think of, besides how bad i felt for him, was "at least you had someone to break up with." I don't know...I never really felt like this before so it's weird. I feel really lonely when I see all my friends with their "significant others."

 

At least I know I'm not the only one.

Of course, now I've got this problem with a girl from school who likes me. She also just happens to be staying 20 minutes away from me over the summer, so she's always trying to hang out with me. She's my friend and all but...I'm not interested in her for obvious reasons (obvious to me anyway). I'm not really sure what to do about the whole thing. Any ideas?

 

You could always use something covert like "Well you know we're friends and if we take it further and it turns nasty, it'll be hard to go back to being friends so I don't want to take that risk" or something of that nature.

 

hehehe yeah they dont bother me either. But I as well say thats so gay by default only cause everyone else does. But after i do it I go oops because I know there could be people around I'm offending. So I dont do it often but sometimes.