I don't know whether to come out to adult children

No matter the age or circumstances, the choice of when and how to come out is always yours by right.

If you'd like your eldest to keep quiet until you feel ready to approach your other boys, I'd do so.
Since I didn't pick up any drama or heartache so far, he was quite acceptive, rite?
If so, I don't see why he would have any problems respecting your choice and not sharing until you do.

 

My two cents: it's probably way more upsetting to your children to have you separating from your husband & them having no idea why than it would be for you to just tell them now. The choice is yours, but put yourself in their shoes. They are your children; they will love you no matter what, & they are certainly old enough to understand how complex life, relationships, & sexuality can be at times!

 

The choice should be yours from the start, but since the cat already out I think the children should hear it from you before it reach them else way. And I think they will understand this generation have an open mind much more than us in their age.

 

I think you should tell your kids, they will understand, I'm sure. They will thank you for your honesty

My parents got divorced when I was 17 because my father is gay. I was grateful he explained to me the reasons why they were separating. He didn't do it right away, he waited a few months until he felt ready to come out to me. It was a hard time for me because divorces are always painful, but I didn't care at all at the fact that my father was gay, what mattered to me was that he was happy.

 

One thing to think of- while you have the right to decide who to come out to and when, waiting to tell them puts your oldest in a bad position. His younger siblings may be upset he kept it from them. Unfortunately your ex put you in a bad position.

 

Tbh I don't think so. It would have been too much to digest for a 17yo, I think. I needed time to process even if I say repetedly that I was more than ok with them separating. If I was in my early 20s like your kids, I'd have wanted to know, though.
Make sure you're there for your kids and you answer any question they have on the matter but also leave them space to process. It's a big change not only for you but for them and they might need time to accept it. Everything will be ok, don't worry

If you want to know something else, just ask! I'm glad my experience is useful to someone

 

It was hard and uncomfortable for me too. From the beginning I was ok but it took me a while to be able to talk about it and really accept it. Don't push your kid. Let him some space.
I wanted to mention earlier that I have a younger sister and that I kept it a secret from her for many years. I think is fair to ask your older kid to keep it a secret too. He will understand that it's not his place to tell.

Good luck!

 

it should definitely be your choice, but the reality is that once we tell one person, we no longer have control over the information. Not fair, but that's how life seems to go. Add gossip and bad intentions into the mix, and it can get ugly. The one thing that you can do to stem that off is to be the first one to tell someone, so they hear it from you and don't get confused by other people's half stories. Each child can understand it in accord with their maturity and level of understanding. I don't think that it will really get easier as they age. It is your choice, by rights, but someone may beat you to the punch, as your husband already has with the oldest. But if the oldest is handling that well, perhaps that is a good indicator of how the others will respond.