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I'm 13 gay male wanting to come out of the closet. Tips?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by MichaelIsGay, Jan 4, 2015.

  1. MichaelIsGay

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    Guys so today I finally excepted my sexuality and tommorow I wanted to come out to a friend. She has said to me she wants me to be gay so she can say she has a gay friend. I still fear rejection tho... I'm so close to her since the start of 7th grade (she's in 8th and my school doesn't have a middle school, so I'm in highschool..) I know she'll be okay but i was planning on doing it in study hall.... She sits next to me and we always talk and roam around. Should I tell her then? I kind of don't want the world knowing so I'm hoping she'll keep it a secret. I need tip on what to say never the less. :help:
     
  2. resu

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    Start small. Your friend is being selfish. Don't tell her until she matures and accepts you as just a friend who happens to be gay. I don't think most teens can keep such juicy gossip a secret, so you must assume if you tell your friend, she might let it loose since she already admitted she wants to "show off". On the other hand, it likely means she already has told other people about her suspicions, and it is generally better to come out earlier rather than later.

    I think what you should first decide is why you need to come out and what are the consequences of it. The most immediate concerns are any threats of violence or your parents/family being very negative. There are many horror stories of kids being thrown out of the house by homophobic parents. This isn't to scare you but to make you think when is the best time to come out. For me, I waited until I was relatively independent from my parents and family before starting the coming out process.
     
  3. ok455

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    I wouldn't tell the friend yet because shes more then likely to tell other people. I remember being young and telling a female friend i was gay and she went and told her boyfriend and during a convo it came up. I recommend waiting until your a little older to come out you never know how your parents or friends is going to take it and if your from a small town i imagine it being a nightmare.
     
  4. Tardis2020

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    I would say its way to good of a piece of gossip, and not to sound sexist, but that seems to be all teenage girls do.
     
  5. MichaelIsGay

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    Thanks guys and one thing I think I forgot to say was tht my parents are going to be totally excepting because we have gay relatives and I have a gay step brother so she handles it well, honestly she likes gay people more that straight lol. Thanks for the advice, I'm still thinking to tell her because I've been good friends and I know that if I keep it serious and attemp to tell her not to gossip or my life would end I'm sure she could handle it... Most teen girls spread stuff a lot due to the fact that they don't openly talk about.. So they tell people to talk about it. I'll just talk I her every day about it.(*hug*)honestly well e better friends if I do.. And she practically already knows, and I get made fun of for gay suspicion all the time.. No biggy.
     
  6. bingostring

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    As the others have said - don't do it to please her.
    Do it when it suits you and you are ready for any repercussions.
    At your speed - when it feels right for you!
     
  7. MichaelIsGay

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    I am tho... I'm ready to have people hate me for my sexuality, and those friends who stay are my own and those who leave then go away. I've watched every coming out video. In a weird sense I'm more scared to do it at school than at home because I don't know how well kids at school will take it but I know one gay girl is doing fine... My parents probobly could care less I'm gay, they'll still love me..
     
  8. bingostring

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    Then you're in a pretty strong place … I am impressed !!
     
  9. TheHesitantAlien

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    First of all, as many people have said, congratulations on your acceptance of your sexuality and your stance on how you feel about it. I had a very similar issue, even down to the accepting-family part, so I'd love to help you out. Again, as others have said, the fact that your friend wants you to be gay so she can say she has a gay friend is pretty selfish (no offence), but I'm sure she'll take it completely seriously if you explain yourself fully. I wouldn't come out in a public place (e.g. school) for the first time - stuff gets around very easily. Do you ever meet up after school? That would be a perfect time (in my opinion). I would start by coming out to your family (as long as you're fully comfortable with that). I would warn you not to rush into things, but that actually helped me get over my indecisiveness! Nevertheless, plan your move(s) wisely.
    Good luck and best wishes! :slight_smile:
    - Leo (!)
     
  10. Compute

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    Firstly, well done. You've been able to accept your sexuality at the age of 13 - something which some older people have trouble with, so you have my respect on those grounds. You're confident in your feelings and if you can trust friends to keep that sort of information and allow you to out yourself slowly, then you should definitely do that. I'll be echoing others when I say this girl seems like someone who could tell a lot of people fast, mainly because she wants to "say she has a gay best friend". I can only imagine if you came out to her she would definitely try and promote it for that personal gain.

    Despite what you're saying about being ready to accept the hate and just throw yourself out of the closet, that's not always a good thing. Taking the matter slowly allows you to keep it a personal thing, while also avoiding being slaughtered by crowds of people knowing (at the age of 13, I can imagine that not many people will have done this so it may be a hot topic for a day or 2). Naturally this is just opinion, and you're welcome to just dive into the deep end and let the world know, but be sure to bring your gossip shield and armor with you :lol:.

    As for next steps, your family seems very familiar with LGBT people, which is a very rare advantage to have. I think that if you have to courage to let a school of pre-teens know your sexuality, your parents will be a lot easier. The only concern is that I always prefer family over friends for people who are confident about their sexuality, since it avoids the INCREDIBLY awkward moment when word slips down the grape-vine to your family and you get outed on accident and you lose control of your own situation.

    Good luck and have fun out there.
     
  11. MichaelIsGay

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    Thanks all and I wanted I add a side note. I'm going to face time my friend due to the fx the went to the library for study hall today. I also wanted to say that they aren't like wanting me to be gay. They said it would be cool, and I lkind of out that out weird. I went over her not telling people today.. She doesn't even know but she said she wouldn't tell anyone. I now have to tell her best friend but what ever.. She's like in our clan too. Hopefully this goes well fingers crossed
     
  12. antibinary

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    How accepting is your school generally? Because she's bound to spread it. If it is, go for it.
     
  13. 0Marionette0

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    If she wants to say to people that she has a gay friend, there is a good chance she won't keep it a secret. However, it doesn't sound like she'd reject you at all. I think coming out is a great idea. I've came out to mainly one person, my friend who is now my boyfriend. It felt amazing. I just think you need to find someone you can trust to keep secrets with before telling anyone. If you think you can trust her, then go for it! Just think wisely about your decision. I hope this helped. If you have any more questions, feel free to ask.