1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

To consider...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by EinUlf, Jan 4, 2015.

  1. EinUlf

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2015
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Aguascalientes
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Yhea, hello, ive visited these forums for a while now and all ive seen has helped me in this journey of coming out... It been hard, but i think I am slowly achieving the goal...

    Everytime i needed advise i came here to look for it, and i need to ask for help once more.

    I need help to see if i am not missing anything about myself and how i will deal with the coming out.

    I think it would explain better it if share my toughs:

    1.-About me: I am 18 years old, i realized i was gay the first day of middle school and i keept it to myself because i was ashamed. Since the last year, ive accepted me, i am happy with who i am and i know i shouldnt be scared or ashamed of being gay. But at this point... Loneliness is burning me, i dream with the day i can start dating and be the whole me with people, and not what i just look like. However, ive tough it wouldnt be such a deal if i came out, i wont change just because of it, after all, being gay is just another of my traits. Thats why i want to be out, because then ill be authentic. Hiding it from my friends and family is like lieing, and they dont deserve it, i dont want to lie anymore.

    2.-My family: i am the oldest brother. My parents are divorced and i live with my mom , my sister and my lil bro. I am the man of the house. Ive came out to my sister and she has been so supportive, i cant thank her enough. My mom is a bit homophobic, she makes rude comments about homosexuals and it pains me to hear them because of how she migth think of me... Or it was. My sister suggested the possibility and my mom said "If they were gay, it wouldnt matter, i just want you 3 to find someone to love and live happy". But one thing is saying and the other is making. It not important, i know she would accept me. My bro is indiferent to gay people, i am sure he would accept me. About the rest of my family, they are kinda intolerant to these kind of things, but it doesnt matters to me, they have bigger problems in their lifes. If there is someone with no rigth to critizice, thats them.

    3.-My friends: Ive came out to 2 of my my friends and they accepted me. I still have to tell some others who i consider to be my best friends. I am not afraid of it, if they dont accept it, its gonna hurt, but i will realize they werent friends after all, i will have to find friends... Real friends... The only opinions that matter to me is the one of my family and these friends.

    4.-Society: Unimportant, society is lame anyways.

    5.- Pros of coming out: Authenticity, dating, maybe i will finally find love... Freedom... Life as its meant to be lived.

    These are my conclusions about the deal... The question is, am I missing something? Am i blind to another face of coming out? What else needs to be given a tough?

    Thanks in advance.
     
  2. Nord

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2014
    Messages:
    56
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I can relate to you in a lot of ways here Ein. I've so far told two of my friends..planning on telling more this week, followed by family. I've denied being gay to myself for years, but finally accepted and immediately came out once I discovered that there really is nothing to be ashamed about. It is our identity. We did nothing wrong. Its as innocent as liking the color orange over red. You already have the general pros laid out..just a matter of making action. Your mother possibly could be upset at first, but in my opinion opening yourself up to her and your family is showing them that you are not afraid to share your vulnerability with the people you love. Being the "man of the house," or the eldest of the siblings, this sets a great example to follow (be your true self, own it, and build upon it). Something like this is very likely to bring you closer together with them, especially mom. Just my two cents.

    Hope this helps, and let us know what happens when you do come out completely (but only if you want to of course)!
     
  3. EinUlf

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2015
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Aguascalientes
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Thats exactly it, Nord! There is just nothing wrong with it, is not like we are some kind of goblin or a boar who sings "Hakunamatata". It is ok to be gay.

    True, my mom migth be upset, but i can understand her. It took me like... 5 years to accept me, she just needs time aswell to do it so.

    You are rigth, it does brings people togheter. Before coming out my sister, we were close, but after i told her... Last september... We became even closer, i feel like i can find support and safety on her, and i hope she feels alike. We talk about everything and we do stuff togheter. I am really happy for it.

    Some time ago, my uncle, who is not very open to say these kind of things, told me: " Kid, you and your brothers make me feel proud, you are not dumb, not mean, and you three like to work. I am proud to see something of your grandfather stayed on the family". At this point i like to say something about my grandfather. At my age, he was already married, had lots of works, lots of money and lots of bussiness. Anyways, what my uncle told me also made me proud of me, but i wonder, would being gay change this opinion? I dont caré if it changes, i was gay when he told me that, i am gay now. Everything is the same.

    Well, i was already planning to come out this month.... Before going back to college. Before the 28, i will be out, and yhea, ill be sure to tell you all about it, after all, these forums have helped me to reach this point.

    Just the same, i wish you luck in this matter too, Nord. Thanks for your help