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How do I come out to my boyfriend that I'm gay?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by fappiness, Jan 6, 2015.

  1. fappiness

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    I've been on here a week or so now, and a few of you know I've been struggling with accepting my sexuality. What none of you know is that I have a boyfriend who is kind, caring and lovely to me, but I am pretty sure now that I am gay and have been for a while, and I don't know how to tell him. He knows that I have questioned my sexuality for a while but we both assumed i was bi, i guess. We were friends for a long time before our relationship and i believe we will stay friends afterwards, but I don't know whether i'm making the right decision whilst I have a healthy relationship with him now. Should I wait until I meet a girl who i think i could have a relationship with before I do anything drastic? Or is it fairer to explain to him now and risk regretting my decision later? I would never cheat on him, but i don't want to terminate a perfectly good relationship. There is nothing wrong with it and i enjoy his company and appreciate him as a person, I just know in my heart that it is not right because he isn't a girl. I always avoid having sex with him (not that he is pushy anyway) but am i just looking for something else entirely? So confused and worried, please help :frowning2:
     
  2. gazwkd

    gazwkd Guest

    I think it's something you just need to sit down and discuss with him, he sounds decent enough from what you say. If you explain what you've been going through and where your head is right now I'm sure he'd be sympathetic.
     
  3. ANewDawn

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    I agree, I wouldn't wait until you meet a girl, especially because holding on to him when you know it's not for you is keeping him from moving on. Also spend in time being single might be good for you since you've so recently come to terms with your sexuality. Either way your boyfriend sound like the type who would appreciate your honesty.
     
  4. fappiness

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    Thanks for the advice guys, I think I agree, its the best thing to do x
     
  5. aeva

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    I had an almost identical situation, twice actually.

    The first time, my boyfriend at the time was upset even though he known for years that I was at least bi (which is what I thought as well). But he got over it quickly, and we remained friends. He was more upset about the fact that I actually wound up dating one more guy before going off them forever than he was about me wanting to date girls.

    The second time, I did wind up meeting a girl, and he (a different ex bf) encouraged me to go out with her (they'd met too), while still dating him. His rationale was that he'd rather share me than lose me. I immediately realised that I much preferred being with her, and so he and I broke up. I was open and honest with him from the beginning, so it wasn't too much of a shock. He was upset at the time, but it's now 3 and a half years later and we're still good friends. In fact, we've even been with 2 of the same girls.

    All in all, both situations worked out really well. I am in favour of being as truthful with them as possible. If you truly care about him, being honest is the best way to preserve a relationship with him (even if it's only a platonic one)
     
  6. fappiness

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    Ah, thank you so so much!
     
  7. SecretSoul

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    Fappiness,
    I know that there is a chance you aren't around here anymore, but I'm in the same situation that you were. How did things work out for you? :icon_sad: