I want to come out to more people. So this is why I thought maybe I can come out to one person every month starting this January. I know I can't just come out to everyone all at once. I want to test the waters first, see how my friends will take it. But of course it will be very hard to choose whom I could tell. I've only told two people, a friend (who is a girl and is the gf of my first guy crush) and my crush (a boy of course, the second crush and he knows I like him unlike my first crush). So far these two have been very accepting, lips sealed and they don't even try probing me questions about my being gay. I told them because I had been sure they could keep a secret. But I'm also scared of being wrong in choosing whom I could tell because they might not be like those two. I want to add more to this list and hoping that the person by person coming out will do me good. So any advice from you guys? What do you suggest I should do? Is it even a good idea what I've posted?
I have found the idea of a target to be a successful one on a personal perspective. I believe the main thing about coming it out is actually wanting to. In a somewhat unexplainable way, when opportunities to come out arose, knowing in the back of my mind that I had a sort of "countdown", actually gave me an extra desire to have completed the target. I set a few different targets: the first was to come out to anyone within a month, which was met after 21 days. The second was to tell anyone I knew offline by the end of 2014, which was done far earlier than expected & my current one is to tell my parents (one or both) before my next birthday. In between my second and current target, I've told one or two other people since I felt they were safe and/or low risk. Reality is, other than my parents, anyone who gives me a negative reaction is unlikely to bother me or upset me very much, I've moved on to consider it their problem and not mine I would suggest to you, Ryuuzaki, to give the idea you've set yourself a try, if you feel it can be effective & can stick to it. As someone who has to justify why X person deserves/should/needs to know I'm gay, I personally don't have enough people to tell to maintain one per month, but this is why they are personal goals.
Don't be surprised if you decide to tell more, faster, as the process continues. There's something great about having friends that know, and the more positive responses you get, the easier it gets. Best of luck
sounds like a great strategy. you can enjoy the rush that comes from coming out to one friend, and then have time to deliberately prepare for the next one, to reflect on it, on your friendship, and to build yourself up to it. at some point, of course, it will get a momentum of your own. Congratulations on a great process!
I've sey the date on Jan 12. I'm telling her and then I'll post here what happened. She thinks I will be telling her who my crush is (whom she thinks is a girl but she's wrong). But I'll be telling her that my crush is a guy. She is gonna be shocked I should record it.
You are right. I did come out last Jan 12 to a friend at school and she took it well and was happy I trusted her. Then I also came out last night to another friend, though this one didn't take it too well. She was telling me I'm just confused and that she couldn't believe. Well not everyone would be supportive. But it's a great feeling coming out and not having to hide who you are. And now I can talk about boys with them. Yey.
doesn't matter how she took it, it counts as a victory because you came out to another friend. Congratulations!!!
Make sure that: 1) you've known each "target" for a long time (I'd say a year minimum, but 2 would be better). The last thing you want to find out is that this person isn't who you think he/she is. 2) these people can keep a secret 3)These people aren't going to blackmail you or stab you in the back about this. Also make sure that you don't get caught up with the freedom of telling one person and unwisely tell another less trustworthy person. I wish you the best of luck with fulfilling your goals!
all excellent advice, but it also brings up the point that once you tell a secret to someone you have lost control of the secret. eventually, some trustworthy person will tell someone else with the promise that they not tell anyone, and they will tell someone else, etc. but that may not be such a bad thing.
