So I guess today my brother was mad at me over something extremely stupid and he ended up telling my mom that I'm gay along with some other things. I didn't even know he knew, but he does. I'm in a very religious household and I'm stuck between moving out and not going to college because I won't have a lot of money after bills, or staying here where I'm asked daily if I am. My mom has an idea that I am but she will never be okay with it. My parents are very homophobic. They actually have said they hate gay people and my dad thinks they should all die. My mom has "prayed gay co-workers out of her work." If my mom asks me if I am, I'm not going to deny it any more. I just don't know how to tell her while maintaining whatever relationship we have left. It will honestly crush her. I'm completely okay with myself, but I just need some advice on what to say to her. I wanted to sit down with them after I had finished college and moved out and tell them calmly. But now I can't and I don't want to say anything I'll regret or have it turn into a huge fight. Any advice would be great
I say go ahead with family confrontations, but that would be dangerous. I try to represent a common consensus when I say we really do not know enough information about your situation. Please can you elaborate? Your mom's and dad's homophobic behavior. Some things that got me wondering was that if your mom knows then perhaps your parents are trying to show you their stance on homosexuality. Its best to come out to be honest, and I hope and pray that you will have a merciful family. Do not by any means say" no, I am not gay" to an "are you gay" question; your self esteem and gender identity is at stake. Come back to us I do not represent EC but I am willing to help out. -E
That was very cruel of your brother. I am sorry that happened to you. I agree with DelvSeigible that it would not be good to lie to a direct question, because that would make things much more difficult in the future. You could not answer, or you could just say that you are the way that God made you, and you know that God loves you and is with you always, especially in the most difficult times in your life. Or, is she asks a direct question, you could just say yes. It doesn't have to be a confrontation, and if you don't allow yourself to be confrontational, that will take most of the juice out of the confrontation. As they say, it takes two to tango. It doesn't sound like you're afraid that they will throw you out of the house, but if that is your fear then you might want to look at some contingency plans just in case. On the other hand, if they're not kicking you out, why leave. If you're honest but you don't fight, if you don't respond to triggers or bait, you can change the topic when the rants begin. I know that it is not that simple, that you are going through a very hard time, but this storm has come to you, through no fault of your own. We're with you here, and we hope that tomorrow is better than today. (&&&)
