Last night I received an order of clothing that I had purchased online, and most of these clothes were a lot more feminine(but not blatantly so) than what my family has been used to me wearing (although I never wore anything exceptionally "masculine" before). I would describe myself as MtF trans, but I haven't been able to tell my family yet. I was trying to use the clothing as a means of testing the waters, to see their reaction. It seemed positive at first, and my sister even made the comment that my legs looked feminine and "girly", and although she meant it as more of an insult, I found it somewhat comforting. Unfortunately that was as far as it got, I could tell the more my sister and parents discussed the feminine characteristics my new clothing was highlighting, the more uncomfortable everyone was getting. They quickly shifted focus to talking about my more "masculine" characteristics that I shouldbe proud of... like the broadness of my shoulders, or how tall I am... etc. Their reaction did nothing but make me feel worse about my self image, and I honestly don't know what step to take next. I was hoping things would go better last night, but instead its left me feeling terrible. Not only have I lost confidence in my self image, but I've lost confidence that my family would even be remotely understanding if I were to come forward and tell them how I truly feel.
I'll tell you my little anecdote and I guess I'll let you interpret it how you see fit. When I came out to my parents, the first thing my mom said that "it's just a phase". Bear in mind that I was almost 18 by this point so I was past the point of it just being a phase. But once I corrected her saying that it wasn't, she looked down ashamed. She admitted that it wasn't because she didn't want a gay daughter, she was just afraid for me. She didn't want me to get hurt since we live in a conservative town. My parents also admitted that they knew something was up and that's why they never brought up boys when I was around. They also thought that I had a relationship with one of my friends because we were so close. Basically, they always knew in the back of their heads that I was gay. I wouldn't necessarily urge you to come out right away. I would maybe test the waters first. Bring up transgenderism in a casual way and see if they react at all. It's possible that they just might be uncomfortable with the idea but them being uncomfortable doesn't automatically mean that they will hate it. Sometimes you have to be patient.
I know what it's like to grow up in a place where they really emphasize that men have to be men and women have to be women. It's tough even for cis straight people because it's so restrictive and you can't show any signs of weakness. It's a miserable, paranoia-filled world those people live in. So like Abbra suggested, they may be reacting to the femininity in the clothes, no matter how slight, out of subconscious fear that you could be made fun of. Non-lgbtqa people can live their entire lives without ever thinking outside the "normal" gender roles because they never have to. So right now, they just can't wrap their brains around the fact you may actually want to look more feminine. Plus any change (again, no matter how small) can bring negative reactions from family at first (at least in mine). I think it's just going to take time. Keep wearing the clothes and they'll get used to it. And later down the road, when you do come out, you might be surprised what love and time can do to change peoples hearts. Also remember that you have the support and acceptance of everyone here and lots more elsewhere. (*hug*)
