coming out at 25

Good luck! Are you out to anyone yet? I came out to my family at 25 too! Do you have any idea how they will react?

One thing I recommend is to come out first to a person or people who you are perhaps a bit less close to you and who you are more sure will be positive or whose responses will hurt you less if negative. Coming out to important people (eg. parents, close friends) only once you've come out to others or another who is supportive means that you will have some real-life support for coming out to your family and close friends, and someone to talk to you afterwards. It sounds counter-intuitive, I know, as most people think to come out to important people first, but I found it easier to come out to people who were less close to me first (and who would hurt me less if they rejected me). It also meant I had practice coming out and could do it more confidently and less clunkily. It also means that if you get positive responses, you may feel more confident.

I recommend dipping your toe in the water with some friends by mentioning gay-related issues and seeing how they react. Or when mentioning movies say you really like an actor or something - and seeing how the conversation goes. This can give you an idea about who to come out to first, if you don't already have an idea. I also recommend this with family, although it's possible mentioning these things out of the blue might prompt them to ask questions.

Do you think they may suspect at all? Since you've had relationships with women, they may not. I had had a long relationship with a man, so they did not suspect.

I assume that you're financially independent now? If you are still financially dependent, it's worth thinking about perhaps waiting if you think coming out could cause you difficulties on that front. A lot really depends on how you think they might react after you come out.

Another thing that I did was practice saying what I wanted to say out loud, so I had practice saying it. I also came up with ideas of what I might say after I had said the words, and also if things went wrong, or in response to particular questions. eg. "OK, I can see you're not happy about this - I'll give you time to think about it and we'll discuss it at another time" (and then leave - not getting angry) or "I know this might be a surprise - if you want I'll give you some time to think about it and we'll discuss it later". Would you have a plan of where you would go afterwards / a friend you would call? A lot of this depends upon how supportive you think your family and friends would be. A good thing, too, about being a bit older is that I think you're less likely to get people telling you it's a phase or asking you 'Are you sure?'.

I recommend not coming out eg. on Christmas Day or birthdays or big days like that, although I did find that there was no 'good' time to come out, only some really bad times!

Also do not be disheartened if you do get negative reactions. If you do, it is possible - although of course not certain - that they would come round. I had one very bad family reaction, but they came round. I think that they were shocked and also afraid of what everyone else would think.

Good luck

 

Good luck