1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Is it ok to come out in letter form?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Double Dubya, May 17, 2007.

  1. Double Dubya

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2007
    Messages:
    309
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maine
    Is it ok to come out in letter form? I am sitting here writing thank you letters to everyone who has impacted my life leading up to graduation. Currently I’m writing to my Mum and trying to tell her that I am appreciative of how hard she has worked to support me, even though it sometimes meant that we were not very close. I know that I am not a good son to have, but for the past while my closeted homosexuality has driven us further apart. When I finally get to turn my tassel from left to right, it is a parallel turning of the page in my life’s book and creating a new chapter leading to adulthood. I also want this chapter to contain a new life style, the Gay Wade. I want Out.

    Did any of you come out using a letter? How did it go? Did it seem too impersonal? Is it a good or a bad idea? What should I expect?

    Thanks, any help would be greatly appreciated
    WW
     
  2. TeeBe

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 2, 2007
    Messages:
    273
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ontario, Canada
    Well, I came out over MSN, the least personal way to come out that there is. My friends were a little hurt that I didn't feel that I could tell them face to face, but besides that, they were just glad that I finally TOLD them. I don't know if that helps much, but it might at least help the "impersonal" issue.
     
  3. Sam

    Sam
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2006
    Messages:
    1,109
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Oklahoma
    I did with both my mom and dad for me it didn't seem impersonal in fact my mom said that she liked the letter and she still has it. I could say more in the letter then I could out loud I would have gone up to her and then I would have forgotten what I wanted to say so I'm glad that I wrote a letter so that I could say what I wanted to say without getting tongue-tied. I talked a lot about love and how much she has meant to me and just different things and snuck in my coming out so that by the time I told her she felt really good because of all the good things I had to say and then I just expressed how much I wanted her to love me still and accept me. it worked for me maybe it will work for you. good luck

    Sam
     
  4. SpikySpice

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2007
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Jax, FL
    I've never come out in the letter form. But I think it is a good way to do it. Since some people dont have enough strenth to talk face-to-face, this is a good chance for them to come out. Or email or messages.

    But the down side is that the letter won't be as strong as the words that come from your mouth, because when you talk face2face, your parents not only be able to read from your face + eyes, but also can hear your voice.

    But I'm sure letters is the best way when you are not sure what will your parents react right after you. And of course letters is better than email because it is your own hand writting.
     
  5. I agree. I would NEVER be strong enough to tell someone in person so I would use a letter. Because if they get offended, you can say I wasnt sure how you'd react. So I definitely think it's a good idea
     
  6. Jim1454

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2007
    Messages:
    7,284
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Toronto
    Can you do both?!? What I mean is, write the letter but sit with her when she reads it.

    I agree that it is difficult to say out loud all the things directly to someone that you can think of when you're sitting by yourself and reading. But you'd also be there with her to get her reaction, answer her questions, give her a hug, let her give you a hug, etc.

    But who am I to talk...? I'll just keep making suggestions until we come across one that works - and they maybe I'll use it myself! :grin:
     
  7. GuitarGirl1350

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2006
    Messages:
    520
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New Caprica
    Letters are fine as long as they aren't impersonal.
     
  8. Paul_UK

    Paul_UK Guest

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2004
    Messages:
    6,885
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    I agree, a letter is fine. Perhaps not as good as telling them directly, but you have to do what works for you.

    If you are using a letter, try to minimise the time between them reading the letter and speaking to you.

    Handing them a letter and having them read it while you wait (perhaps just in the next room) is better than posting a letter.

    I think what's most important is that you do come out, rather than the method.
     
  9. joeyconnick

    joeyconnick Guest

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2005
    Messages:
    3,069
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Toronto, ON
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hey you could have texted them! That would be far less personal than MSN. :lol:
     
  10. joeyconnick

    joeyconnick Guest

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2005
    Messages:
    3,069
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Toronto, ON
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Okay first: "the Gay Wade?" That's... that's just so funny, when you put it like that! Like good funny--it totally made me laugh. "The Gay Wade" doesn't sound like a person, though--it sounds like a fashion trend or something. Like... (voiceover voice) "Coming soon to a town near you--the Gay Wade!"

    Or (mysterious voice) "What is... the Gay Wade?!"

    You should invest in a Gay Wade theme song.

    Sorry... I know you're being dead serious with your question and I totally understand the desire for a new version of you (ah Felicity, what a great show). But I kinda want a "Gay Wade" t-shirt now...

    I think I only came out to one person by letter, and that way my grandmother, and that was because she was in Australia and I live in Canada, and I didn't want to wait 2 or 3 years to tell her in person.

    To be honest, I can't remember what I wrote at all but she still came to my university grad and treated me exactly the same. Which is saying something since only a few years before she had discovered her 3rd husband was cheating on her... with a close male friend of theirs. :eek: I was really afraid she would hate me by association. Or at least have a lot of problems with it. But she was my only grandparent who I was at all close to so I felt it was important that I tell her.

    I think it totally depends on the situation, whether a letter is more appropriate than in person. If you really think you can cover your bases better in print, I would go with that. But as others have mentioned, I think it would be good to be readily available afterwards to take questions.

    Although if I remember correctly, your mom is not exactly the... easiest person in the world to get along with. So maybe you wanna take off for the weekend while she processes? (*hug*)
     
  11. Double Dubya

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2007
    Messages:
    309
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maine
    Do you think a GAY WADE t-shirt would take off? I might be able to make some money here lol. As for a theme song, I think of the old Bat Man song, Na na na na na na na na GAY WADE!

    Wow, you have a great memory, but it was a total understatement :dry: lol I thought that I would leave her the note on her bed or something after graduation, just before taking off to project graduation. Then she would have a night alone to call everyone in town and blow her top.
     
  12. ahahaha thats great!:lol:
     
  13. Jim1454

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2007
    Messages:
    7,284
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Toronto
    Now I can't stop humming the theme from Batman! *grumble, grumble*
     
  14. joeyconnick

    joeyconnick Guest

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2005
    Messages:
    3,069
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Toronto, ON
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Well it's hard NOT to remember when someone basically describes their mother as the Anti-Christ. :lol:
     
  15. Phantomblade

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 23, 2007
    Messages:
    127
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Conneticut
    Gender:
    Male
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I came out to my family over Facebook. I set up an account that said I was a male interested in males. then i friended my brother, who is at collage 5 hours away, and he called my mom. id say thats as impersonal as it gets.
     
  16. Rain33

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2006
    Messages:
    79
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    i came out in a letter to my mom. it worked for me i say go for it
     
  17. RENThead

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2008
    Messages:
    176
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Cork, Ireland
    i came out to my mum by letter... i wouldnt have been able to do it any other way...
    mum took it really bad (i knew she would...) i have a feeling our mothers are very similar... i dont think it would have made a difference - my mum would have reacted exactly the same. (letter, or face to face) tho it was safer by letter
    (i have a thread on here if you want to read my letter)
    good luck :slight_smile:
     
  18. EM68

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2008
    Messages:
    3,265
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Stoughton, Massachusetts USA
  19. littleninja

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 24, 2009
    Messages:
    26
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    the city that rhymes with fun
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    I also came out with a letter, since I live in a different province than my family. It worked out pretty well.
     
  20. Thisisnew

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 23, 2009
    Messages:
    654
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NY
    You should come out how ever you want to if your comfortable with a letter then do it remember it's your coming out if that feels right then that's the way it should be done. :slight_smile: