Ughh. Not really anything about me being gay. Just my OCD/BDD(body dysmorphic disorder) playing with me. I am posting it, just because I have found some super supportive people on here. Thanks for letting me vent! Anyway, I did a half marathon In Louisville last weekend. I showed up 30 minutes late, I didn't gage my time well. I stayed overnight in Cincy, Ohio. I live in Cleveland, Ohio. I started the race all by myself. I finished in 6th place out of 624 people in my age bracket. I swear half of the time I was running I was thinking how pissed I am with my bdd and that I was late. My time chip had the final results. I felt invincible. Anyway the race director was a jerk. And he refused to send me my trohpy/medal. He said its against his policy. What happened between him and I could write about for 12 pages. Anyway, we had some nasty exchanges, but I only got nasty after he sent me a nasty email, how I wasted his time driving 12 hours, and being a "baby" for wanting a cheap trophy. The guy is an idiot. In one of his emails he said to me, "Talk about a loser-look in the mirror dude. Never seen someone so worked up over a plastic trophy-Not since second grade, anyway" I did call him a loser, before that. I think its my bdd, but I keep thinking he is making reference to my appearance. Then my cousin said did, he actually see you?? I really don't even think he did, I don't remember seeing him. He was just the director. I am not fishing for compliments. I can not stop ruminating. I am the "Ruminator" Its so annoying that I am hanging onto this, because I know its my bdd playing with me. But I keep trying to think of way I should make it count. I do get some relief, because I get some relief from one area of my face, but it just transfers. Also I did post about what happened at the race on another forum, and someone posted I am just a so-so runner. Another jerk. I am starting to question it, and I am not just saying that so people will say I am a good runner. I really have been obsessing for about this all week. I keep thinking I would be so bad on Jeopardy. I don't even like watching, because I am second guessing my anwers as the contestants. Like I want to say it, but "what if" I am wrong?? I think I think too much. Justin
What did he mean by "it was against his policy"? What's the actual issue? Anyway, don't ever think you're no good - 6th of 624 is a huge achievement and something to be proud of!
Wow - you arrived late and still came in 6th place?!? That's pretty amazing! Some people you just aren't going to win with. But calling them a loser just sets you up to get the same thing thrown in your face. You have to remember that while you have challenges that you've had to face in life, other people have challenges as well. For all we know, this race director also suffers from OCD/BDD and was just as upset from your email to him as you were from his email back. The only thing in life that's totally within your own control is your attitude towards things. That's it. There's nothing else. So... it's up to you how you react to things. It's good to hear from you again Justin. Don't be a stranger. Keep working on you, and focus on the positive, not the negative.
Haha, man, if you came in 6th place out of 624, you are truly a good runner. Don't let anyone tell you that you aren't. I'd say.. forget that director guy. You can't work with people like that anyways, all they will is frustrate you, and continuing to talk to him is only feeding that frustration. Just let him go, and move on. For you frustrations, try this: Try to drink 40 oz. of water each day, and after two weeks, remember to take a second and think of how your mental and physical abilities have improved. Generally, it is a positive affect because it clears out your system. I could imagine though, because you are clearly an athlete, that you drink plenty of fluids as it is, but I would suggest more. More is better, but not too much. Stretch every day. Take deep breaths when you are frustrated. Frustration and stress go hand-in-hand, and they're a dynamic duo and are quite a pain. I hope you fair the best. Take care.
I did what i felt like I needed to do. I posted on some running forums, what happened. I read a couple responses on these forums and I was being trashed, that was probably a little over a week ago. I stopped reading them. Now I am done with the whole situation. I still never got my trophy. My cousins friend who runs emailed me this morning and told me I was being trashed on a runnong forum she goes to. Maybe I am sensitive, but I knew I was being trashed. Maybe she didn't think I knew. I am NOTgoing to read the responses, and do plan on it, but not sure why she needed to remind me. But I still wonder what were they saying about me?? arghhhh. Justin
Hey, long time no see. Good to see you. Stop thinking about what other people say, who cares, you know you are a good runner. Most people can't even run down to the mail box without running out of breath so running a half marathon WOW!
