How long does it take to get over someone? I mean someone that you were actually in a relationship with - in my case, for 5 years. I thought that I was over him (it's been way more than a year now), but tonight, I was sitting with lots of my friends who are all in long-term relationships, and I got really, really upset. I remembered being like they are, all optimistic, thinking it would last forever, and being really happy. But it all went wrong. The whole situation tonight wasn't helped by the fact that I'm not out to any of them (they are quite new friends) and I didn't feel able to talk about that either, or to talk about my experiences with my ex because it would have been like me throwing cold water over their perfect lives planning their weddings and things. I couldn't relate to their straightness or their perfect relationships. And I didn't feel able to talk about my current sexuality problems or my awful relationship experiences. I suppose I've just realised that I'm not really over him, even though I've had several extremely strong crushes (on women) since the break-up, and still have these crushes. Part of me also feels that I would be a lot more cautious getting into a relationship with a man - even if I liked him - because a part of me feels that this could never last and that they'd just dump me anyway. Or that I'd leave once I found a woman. Or something. I really don't know what. I really don't know whether a part of me is still resentful and makes me not want to like men because of this. I have no idea. But yeah, I don't think I'm over him and it's been about a year and a half. Is that ridiculous? And it's all so hopeless, because it's not like I've been anywhere near getting a date in all that time and I only seem to crush on unavailable people or people who'd never like me in that way back, plus it's not like the world is full of people to date - I mean, virtually EVERYONE I know is in a relationship and it's really strange being the only one when you're all out not coupled up. Plus my ex when he broke up with me was like, you're not really capable of having an adult relationship and put all the blame on me somehow - something which I know isn't true but which I sometimes feel is true! But how do I get over him, get over my stupid crushes that are ruining my life, and manage to just get on with my life like normal? Obviously I'd like to meet someone, but I know if I'd met a guy I'd just freak and if I met a woman I'd just freak (for different reasons) plus I'd be permanently worried that they'd just dump me randomly out of the blue. But anyways, at the moment I'm just shocked to find that I'm not over him. Sorry for this long rant. I'm very tired, and have been very very busy (hence my relative absence from EC over the last month or so), and this is probably just one of those things that'll feel better in the morning. Hopefully.
Believe you are not nearly was screwed up as I am.I was engaged to this guy five years ago and he broke up with me because I found out I couldn't have children and he was so angry about that.Yet I am still in pain from what he did.He jerked me around for the past 5 years,pretending he still loved me and finally four months ago he told me that we were never good together. I am finally getting past that,but its difficult.From what I heard,it gets easier.
(*hug*) The only thing that makes you a valid partner is your ability to procreate? What a jerk. I'm sorry. OP: I hope you feel better in the morning. As far as I know, the only real cure is time.
Moving on is something that is different for every person and every experience. Life will go on, don't try to forget because you can't, just remember the good times and what you learnt from it. Every person has a different way of mourning a loss, some people cry, some seclude themselves, icecream and chick flicks (my favourite) other's go and find rebounds - the list goes on. Find your way (yes, everyone has one) and take it one step at a time. There's plenty more fish in the sea, but you can't catch any if you're too tired to swim. P.S I didn't actually read your thread, sorry I'm SUPER tired; hope that is appropriate in any way.
What you need is a hug. I'm sorry I can't give one, being thousands of miles away. Never mind, here's an e-hug instead. *hugs ccdd* Now... I'm sorry that things have turned out this way. I'm sorry that you still haven't gotten over him. I know that some guys have the ability of turning and pushing all the blame onto someone else even though that's not what it is in real life (although being objective people, we can't deny the fact that it takes two hands to clap). If you ask me, I think the reason why you've been crushing so much and not being able to have a long-term relationship is not so much because of an inability to do so; it's simply because you're still hurting over your ex. The only thing I can tell you to do is to accept things. You obviously care for him. So don't go back to him, it'll hurt him and the person he's going to marry. And it'll probably hurt you. Take this experience as one which you can learn from. You've obviously matured from it, so use it in your next relationship. To get over a person is hard. I have never been in your situation, so I'm really sorry but I can't offer much advice on how to get over somebody. But here are a theory of mine: If you can't get over someone, it's possible that you still haven't accepted the fact that you've broken up with him/her. This fear of yours is irrational. That a man would just dump you in the long-term. Because if you're both meant for each other then that just won't happen. To me, it seems as if you probably haven't accepted the fact that you're both really never gonna get together again. If a part of you is resentful and makes you not want to get into relationships with men anymore (which might explain the few extremely strong crushes you've had on women), then maybe it's something you need to get help for. You know, talk to someone you can trust. Like a very good friend. Hope I've helped ccdd! And here's another e-hug to help you through this. *hugs ccdd once more*
Oh gosh... And the fact that I've said the words "accept" so many times in one answer... Sheesh.. I really need to start organising my thoughts properly.. But never mind.. You get the idea (albeit it being a bit messy). And since I'm here again.... *gives one more hug. A bear-hug this time* =)
