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Feelling hetero again, but don't want to lose friends here.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Damien, Jan 13, 2015.

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  1. Damien

    Damien
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    I've never been very good at sacrificing the truth for the sake of maintaining friendships. Maybe that's one reason I've often ended up alone in life. I hope I don't now lose friends here at E.C. for feeling much less same-sex attraction than I did last year. Something has happened to me. I can't help how I feel. I feel almost completely 'straight' again although I don't like that term, 'straight' as it sounds quite boring.

    After my health scare late last year, which was agonizing and forced me to make a clear break with smoking tobacco, I began this detox process which continues and causes me almost daily distress and anguish. I have now not smoked since the 1st January of this year 2015. I feel like I am in a metaphorical boxing ring with an opponent who keeps changing. Sometimes it's Ali, dancing around and mocking me, sometimes it's Mike Tyson, coming in with intimidating blows and trying to punch the living daylights out of me. Thus far I have not been 'knocked out' as I have not gone back to my old 'beloved' habit but believe me in moments of great hopelessness and despair I have come damn close.

    Just because I feel primarily straight, doesn't mean I don't fully support the rights, emotions, and validity of lgbt folks of all shades and colours. What I felt for almost all of last year, was real. I don't deny it, and it was amazingly beautiful and precious, to feel so androgynous, to feel so much attraction to guys. But something seems to have shifted in me and as we always say here, I can't help how I feel. Just so long as you all know, whether bisexual, hetero or some blend of the two, I will always support the lgbt community, and having felt all that I did last year has changed me permanently. But I'm just not sure about my lgbt status at present. I can see myself being with a guy, if we had a connection, yes. I can see myself wanting that, definitely. But I must admit I have a preference for the feminine. How this shifted back, how can I explain? Hope I don't now lose whatever friends and connections I had here at E.C. It is quite possible I will end up as a confirmed and lifelong 'straight ally'. But is that a bad thing? It's a good thing, is it not, to have more straight folks who have proper respect, and a bit of understanding, of lgbt folks, and who will always speak up on their behalf?

    Or maybe this itself is a 'phase'. Hell I don't know. Just please don't reject me just because I (think I'm) straight, because I can assure you I accept all of you, lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender. I've got tears in my eyes as I write this. As usual, emotional mess today.

    love,
    Andy.
     
    #1 Damien, Jan 13, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 13, 2015
  2. Chiroptera

    Chiroptera
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    Why would it be a bad thing?

    If you conclude you are straight, that's totally fine. It is great that, one way or the other, you know that LGBT people deserve the same rights as everyone else. There is nothing wrong if you are a "straight ally".

    Remember why we are all here: We want to be accepted, just like everyone else, and not separate ourselves from the rest of the world. It is great that we have non-LGBT people that understand us! :slight_smile:

    Big hug
     
    #2 Chiroptera, Jan 13, 2015
  3. GrumpyOldLady

    GrumpyOldLady
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    Great job quitting smoking! That's a really hard thing to do. I know this from personal experience. It gets easier after the first couple of months, the best advice I can give is to resist that voice inside you that tells you "just one won't hurt" (because that voice is a stinking, filthy liar).

    As for the rest ... you're still the same person, no matter what label you choose to use or what part of the spectrum you're on. You just know yourself better than most people, now.
     
    #3 GrumpyOldLady, Jan 13, 2015
  4. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    congratulations on quitting smoking!! that is a great thing for your health, quality of life, and longevity. your profile says that you rate yourself as about a 1.5 on the Kinsey scale. that is always a helpful way to express where you're at. Is that where you have considered yourself to be all along, or was it higher before? I think that at your age, it is very possible for this to swing around a bit as you get to know yourself and your likes/dislikes better, and it may shift around, though I don't know about a shift from a 6 to a 1, if someone thought that's where they were. But who knows? Anyway, a big part of EC is getting honest with ourselves, and supporting each other. So if you're finding that you are really mostly straight but not 100%, then you are getting to know yourself better and you need to be honest about that. No need to trade one closet for another. And this is a place where we support each other, so don't feel like you will lose your friends on EC or have to leave. I for one need all the people I can find for support, friendship, and advice! glad you're here!!! (&&&)
     
    #4 Wildside, Jan 13, 2015
  5. HunGuy

    HunGuy Guest

    Don't worry. For some people, sexual orientation is mutable, I experienced it quite a few times in the past. Basically I ran back and forth along the Kinsey scale. For now, I'm experiencing a more permanent period. So I think you should go with how you feel at any given time, be true to yourself.
    Relax, you're not going to be hated here for your sexual orientation.
     
    #5 HunGuy, Jan 13, 2015
  6. Romi

    Romi
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    Other people are going to give you the long drawn out explanations and suggestions and comments, yada yada. All I'm going to tell you is that if you lose a friend for being true to yourself....then they were never a friend to you in the first place.

    A lot of people easily confuse friendly acquaintances with real friends. At any rate, if you feel like you're losing, or about to lose, any of these friends....Feel free to come my way. Because I know what that's like. (*hug*)
     
    #6 Romi, Jan 13, 2015
  7. antibinary

    antibinary
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    Hating someone because their hetro is just as bad as hating someone because their gay. We won't hate you.
     
    #7 antibinary, Jan 15, 2015
  8. Fallingdown7

    Fallingdown7 Guest

    You can still stay with us and contribute your view point. Nobody will hate you here.
     
    #8 Fallingdown7, Jan 15, 2015
  9. greatwhale

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    You have our full support and friendship, no matter how you see yourself!
     
    #9 greatwhale, Jan 15, 2015
  10. DeviantAttitude

    DeviantAttitude
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    It's not a bad thing. Our group is not exclusive to LGBT+ people! And no matter what, we will accept everyone here!
     
    #10 DeviantAttitude, Jan 15, 2015
  11. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    and we definitely need straight allies!!!
     
    #11 Wildside, Jan 15, 2015
  12. oscarneedslove

    oscarneedslove
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    (*hug*) (*hug*) you are welcome no matter what and who you are. (*hug*)
     
    #12 oscarneedslove, Jan 15, 2015
  13. spockbach

    spockbach
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    There's nothing wrong with being straight. We're all cool the way we are. Straight makes the list of awesome things to be when it's part of a whole person. Don't be afraid of losing friends here; I can hardly imagine that that would happen!
     
    #13 spockbach, Jan 16, 2015
  14. raiden04

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    In the 'Orientation' drop box of our profiles isn't there a 'straight' option?
    I haven't been here very long but if ECers were to start excluding and ostracising you because you're straight I'd probably go find another LGBT support forum to frequent and be apart of.

    Thankfully, the majority of people here are awesome! I don't think you'll lose your friends on EC and if you do, make new ones; start with me if you need to :slight_smile:

    Also, congrats on quitting smoking, massive accomplishment :grin:
     
    #14 raiden04, Jan 16, 2015
  15. QueerTransEnby

    QueerTransEnby
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    Sexuality can be fluid even for us guys. There is nothing wrong with that! Attractions sometimes have a mind of their own. It's not that you "changed" your own sexuality; it has a mind of its own. Just like sex drive in general. I like you for who you are. You have always had decent posts here. Don't leave.
     
    #15 QueerTransEnby, Jan 16, 2015
  16. Burnedcloset

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    Your are soooo welcome here!

    Don't even question it. (*hug*)
     
    #16 Burnedcloset, Jan 16, 2015
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