How Did You Come Out?

I seem do it a different way every time (keep it fresh lol).
First one was a handwritten letter, then someone asked me if I was gay, then left gay related documentation around the house, then I told others that they're allowed to tell whoever they want, then a e-messaging program, then e-mail, then SMS, then introduced my boyfriend to people, then shared my breakup story with people, then shared coming out stories with people, then just dropped being gay casually into conversations and let it be overheard.
Probably forgot some.

I know it is probably a lot harder for you in your part of the world and at your age.
Haters, normalisers and deserters have anger in their hearts and thus stand in the way of peace and love. I hope for your sake that they stay out of your life.

 

Unfortunately my "coming out story" isn't the best but you can read it nonetheless, it is on my blog.

 

I've never came out, I don't know if I want to come out publically...I don't want to be gossip material. I hate attention and the fact that people know something about me that I like to keep to myself or close friends? Maybe that might change when I get more comfortable with myself...who knows.

 

In grade 11 I started dating my first girlfriend. My mom noticed the hickeys on my neck after she'd been over. She told me she was cool with me dating a girl as long as there were no more hickeys "'cause they cause cancer." xD.

So I told her I was bi (at the time I didn't want to be a lesbian) I would express my attraction to famous men to reinforce the bi-ness.

We broke up after 4 months and stopped being friends. Then after my first year of university I met my most recent ex-girlfriend. We fell in love and started dating, and I kinda just ripped off the band-aid.

First I called my dad and told him, and he just said "We were wondering when you were going to come out" ('we' referring to him and my step-mom.) So that was a total shocker. I didn't think it was that obvious.

Then after that we both changed our relationship status on facebook and voila. Took a while to convince my mom I was only into only girls and not guys at all though. ("But you always found those famous guys attractive!")

So yeah. Coming out was relatively painless for me. Wouldn't have done it while in high school though. The bullying was already bad enough.

 

To my friends. It was a couple years ago. I was just auditioning for bass player in a band. And the drummer thought I was flirting with his girlfriend. I noticed the pissed off look in his eyes. So after they had auditioned me and said i was good to play with em, I came out.
"By the way, I'm gay. I wasn't sure if you guys had a problem with that or not. If it is I understand."

Well, the drummer showed a relief look on his face and I was spared from getting my ass kicked. Plus they didn't care as long as I was cool about it and not being you know... hitting on them. It still cracks me up.

And to my mom, I messaged her on facebook. Funny thing is, I was in my room and she was in the living room on her ipad. I told her I was gay. and she replied:

Mom: I know.
Me: How?
Mom: Don't download porn on the living room computer anymore. Do it from your own.
Me: ......

She took it better than expected. She must have found my little "video files".

 

I told my friends and my cousin through text (facebook and a letter to my cousin). My mom I told her and she was ok with it.
One of my friends is Bi as well so she was ok with it, the other friend had the ":O OMG" reaction because she had no idea.
I came out to the ones that I trust the most and got lucky with it. I knew before hand that they would be ok with it.

 

I told my Mother first. I was super nervous. My family is Mormon and really quite religious. I also had had a college roommate (we'll call him C) whose parents completely disowned him when he came out. I told my mother I had something important to tell her, that it was hard for me to say and would probably be hard for her to hear. Then I sort of hemmed and hawed and I just couldn't bring myself to tell her. She took my hands in hers and said that I could tell her anything. I started to cry and just couldn't do it. This went on for a while. Finally she took my head in her hands, looked me square in the eye and said "You know we would never do what C's parents did. Now what do you have to tell me?? And of course I told her.

I asked her later if she had always known and she said she hadn't, that it really had never even occurred to her until we were sitting on that couch that day. And then it came to her with such a rush of certainty--she was certain not only that I was gay but that I had reached a sort of crossroads in my life, and if I told her that day I could move on with my life and if I didn't, well I might never really move on. So, as was my Mother's way, she took the bull by the horns and did what needed to be done. Truly an amazing woman...

 

I told a former co-worker who is very gay-friendly by email, and then another co-worker in an IM. That was it for awhile until I told my wife, in the middle of an unrelated argument. I had been trying to come up with a way to tell her for months, and it finally just popped out. Since then I've told numerous people in texts, emails or face to face. Several also suspected it because of the number of gay-related posts I've shared on Facebook. I've pretty much told everyone who I feel needs to know at the moment--after all, I'm not divorced yet and am still living with my wife and kids. The next thing will be once that's done and I can change my relationship status to include my boyfriend.

 

I first came out on Facebook in a group chat of 3 others, by asking whether any would be against me if I were bi. One said they would accept me and wouldn't treat me any different. Not long after, another privately inboxed me saying they would support me no matter what I was. From there I pretty much revealed to the group I had been questioning for ages and was ready to reveal it. A few weeks later, I asked my gay friend whether he had a crush and he did, so then I revealed to him that I like boys too. He was startled, but is so happy that he has another queer friend. This all had happened after the school year finished, and I am currently still on holidays. So I have had plenty of time to get used to being more open.
Another thing I did recently is bring up casually to a queer female friend that I was looking into LGBTQ stuff because I am not straight. We had such an insightful conversation about different orientations and how we both didn't fit neatly in any category.

 

First person I told is the guy who is now my roommate. When I met him I was very straight up and honest with him. Told him I was bi, planning on divorcing, thought he was adorable, and that I wasn't planning on getting into a relationship. Also didn't want to know how he felt about me right then. Things have been confusing for the last month, but that's been cleared up.

Therapist was second person I came out to.

Son, same thing, just told him straight up I was bi-sexual, he still doesn't have any questions.

Wife, had to talk about it in therapy. Felt like I was standing on the edge of a canyon for that one.

2 high school friends I talked to over facebook. One is gay, the other is a gal that was friend with our clique. They were both very accepting.

2 friends that I meet on a certain gay/bi hookup app, that was through text. They are both gay, so no issues there.

Wow, I'm up to 8 people now in real life, not including casual contacts on social apps, or this forum.

Oh, well there would be the whole group of people that were at the LGBT meetup that I went to.

Haven't said anything to my family. I moved out of house Nov 5th, didn't even talk to them until I absolutely had to (Christmas Eve.) I have no idea what their reaction will be.

 

Awkwardly...

 

Add 2 more friends on the list. Awkwardly told them over lunch. I knew they would be accepting, they've got all sorts of friends.

 

My brother- face to face

My friend-face to face

My other friends-through text

 

The first people I, explicitely, came out to, were 2 of my friends.
We were talking about the younger brother of one of them, who is gay and the sister was remarking how sometimes he still faces homophobia, eventhough the Netherlands is one of the most LGBT friendly countries.
I was a bit tipsy at that point and remarked how some people don't even believe I exist, referring to bisexuality.

It was several months after that, that I came out to my parents.
I didn't have the nerve to outright tell them, eventhough I was 99,99% sure they'd be fine with it.
So, to force the issue, I bought a bunch of bisexual and LGBT themed shirts online and and unpacked them while my parents were in the room, after which we had a short conversation, confirming that they indeed were perfectly fine with it.

Coming out to my best friend has been a bit strange, before I came out to anyone else, I'd already told him that I could fall in love with anyone, as long as I liked their personality.
Apparently he didn't get the clue that this involved people of the opposite sex, because when he took me to a gay bar, here in town, this year, he asked me if I was LGBT and I had to explicitely come out to him.

I've since come out to some of my other friends, but have decided that I will no longer 'come-out'.
If people want to know my sexuality, they can either take notice of my actions/remarks or ask. I see no reason to tell them, unless its relevant to the situation at hand.

 

I'm pretty sure I'll start to come out pretty soon. I'm moving to a different country at the end of the month, so I want to have come out to close friends and family before that time. But I'm feeling extremely uncomfortable at the thought of bringing it up face to face, but at the same time I kinda feel like that's the right way to do it. Is this a silly feeling?

 

Not at all.