So umm...here's the deal: During the summer, I attended a very nice summer "camp" for talented high schoolers. I met a guy there, and towards the end of the camp, he was openly gay. I grew a little crush on him, and didn't act on it. Come program's end, we parted ways, and I felt okay, missed him a little, but not too much. Here's the tricky part. After school starts back up, I find this guy on Facebook. I'm like "oh, I know this guy, and he seemed pretty nice and stuff." So I friend him, and we get to talking. Turns out, that this guy has a major crush on my best friend, whom I'm not sure is gay, bi, or straight (who I'm not sure my feelings are to). After a week of "how are you's, how was your day, and what's ups," he starts asking how my friend is. I'm cool with that, as I can't really come out of the closet. This goes on for a month, with him asking how my friend is, all that jazz. Around August, I come out to him, and tell him I have a crush on him, and that he's the third person I've ever came out to (the other two being my older sisters). I get friend zoned, and spend a night moping. Around September, he calls up the guts to ask my friend advice on a guy he's interested in. My friend doesn't know that the guy's crushing on him, and unwittingly friendzones him. Sometime in October, this guy starts contemplating coming out to his parents, and I help him through this, giving advice, comfort, etc. The guy comes out, and everything's all smooth. Now, November is when things start getting stressful, and people start getting mean. One day, I ask my friend something that the guy shares with me about my friend (my friend's home address). My friend flips out on the guy, and the guy flips out on me, asking me if I would appreciate him telling my friend I'm gay. The guy does a complete 180, going from nice to nasty, insulting me, my heritage, and my family. That's a big no-no to me. I absorbed the insults, and attacks on my heritage. But once he starts in on my sister's Ivy League education, I start firing back. Eventually he just makes me so mad that I demote him to 'acquaintance'. Not serious, but at least I don't have to deal with constant updates on his life anymore. There's the pre-peril part. The problem is, I came out to him. I trusted him enough with a secret I've had since 6th grade (for 6 years!). We didn't come to good terms, and still aren't talking (good riddance...). We're both on the same FB group, and he recently posted a question asking if anybody was going to a certain tournament. 2 girls from my school are going that I'm not on good terms with. I'm freaking out that he's going to share with the girls that I came out, and the 2 girls will either blackmail me or out me. I was stupid and sent all my messages via FB messenger, so he can show them that I came out, and they can take pictures. The tournament is in 2 weeks, so I have about that amount of time to prepare. I am by no means ready to come out yet. At all. As a senior in high school, my parents have been kind enough to prepare a college bank account that will not only pay for my college education at the big schools that I applied to (Harvard, Stanford, etc.), but also for the medical schools I want to attend in 4-5 years. I don't need my parents to find out I'm gay, as I'm pretty sure I'll lose...pretty much everything. I need a Plan B. A contingency plan for what to do if these 2 girls at my school try to forcibly out me. The town I live in is super conservative, talk travels fast, and the 1 of the 2 girls is very trusted within the community. I'm pretty sure it wouldn't take much to convince the town I'm gay. Maybe this might not happen, but I want to be prepared. So far I've got: 1) Denial: I positively deny anything and everything these two girls say about me being gay. I openly tell my parents I'm straight, and go to... 2) Joker: I say I was playing with the guy, and was just toying with his perception of me, trying to get his trust and get his ulterior motives. Neither of these 2 sound good, and as much as I'd love to come out of the closet, I can't. Suggestions? I know I'm probably overblowing this, but I was raised to try and prepare for every single outcome. Thank you in advance!
That is really a sad from your gay friend to go from being nice to nasty. I really feel sorry for you. Coming to your worries about 2 girls knowing abt it and forcibly out you -- I would consider you might just be over-blowing. But at the same time, if your mind is not going to settle without being prepared for it - I would advice for Acceptance out of the two options..denial or acceptance. (discarding the Joker option completely) If everything turns out against you, can you get yourself prepared for accepting being gay.? I know it would not be as you would have hoped and it would be a shocking thing but considering the worst case scenario, do you have better option? You are already out to your two elder sisters and I feel they are going to support you with it if required and if something like this happens which is having very less probability. Don't panic. EC is here for you
But...what if I'm not ready? I can't say that I'm ready, because I know that I'm not. I know that I'm probably overblowing this, and that just by mentioning it, it probably won't happen, but, on the off case that I'm outed? I know that accepting myself as gay has already happened. Unless, you mean accepting the inevitable. I'm not sure if I have a better option. Much as I love my sisters and know that they'll try to support me in any way possible, I don't want to be a burden on them. The oldest is getting married this spring, and what better way to kill the happiest day of her life, than to have a disowned little brother that she now has to care for? She's also going into law school... My older sister is entering medical school this fall. From what my parents have described, medical school is super hard, and I'd hate to be the reason that she has to drop out or make bad grades, just to take care of me. I refuse to kill the careers of my older sisters. At the same time, I know that I need to keep my little sister safe from the fallout of my parents finding out. My little sister is a bit sensitive, and the...the best term would be "angry energy"..in the house would not be good for her at all. Here's my worst case scenario so far: I'm outed, my parents disown me or ship me to a "gay conversion" camp, I become homeless, and spend most of my life trying to survive, never fully realizing my dream of becoming either an allergist or marine biologist.
This is why Facebook is just not a good thing. Seriously, you should drop the whole thing. Sometimes you just have to cut people off and leave them to chit chat and gossip elsewhere. Those girls can say whatever the hell they want and in the end if you don't engage, nothing is going to happen. Don't go to the thing and dont let that shitty friend of yours even see you. Just tell him to get lost. ---------- Post added 18th Jan 2015 at 02:49 AM ---------- As for your fears, try to let it go. Just because you are gay doesn't mean that everybody has to know, and it's really none of their business anyway. You dont have to admit to anything, it's not their decision, it's yours. Don't let your orientation cause you so much stress. It's entirely possible to be generally quiet about the whole thing, and dismiss or just ignore rumors. Try not to engage, because that creates panic, which just leads to more bad things.
Drop Facebook? I'm only 'acquaintances' with the guy, and am not friends with the two girls. I'm a bit selective about friend requests because I'm scared that things like this will happen. Although if this does happen, I'm dropping the guy like a hot potato. So I should just not say anything?
Gasian I think you way over reacting. I also wouldn't be surprise if your parents already know you gay. A lot of parents know there kids are gay but they don't say it till the conversation comes up. If I were you I either let it go or take your parents out to dinner or make dinner for them and come out to them to resolve your stress over you being gay.
I think just play it out. I doubt anything will happen but if these girls confront you and say that they know you're gay then just shrug and say "so?" If they strongly believe that it not a pressure point then there's nothing to gain from using it for blackmail. Another option is the pre-emptive strike. "Accidentally" feed them some other sensitive information that just isn't true and that you can easily prove is false. If it's juicier than you being gay they'll probably use that instead and then get proven wrong and completely discredited. Any other nasty rumors that follow won't be taken serious. Massive gamble though. Probably wouldn't recommend it but to be honest I'd personally find it extremely satisfying.
Oh, they definitely will know that it's a pressure point...my family's Roman Catholic.... But what's juicier than me being gay?
you're a devil worshiper... Really, until you can say to anyone that you are gay, you're in a box. You will always fear the repercussions of the secret coming out. That doesn't mean you have to tell it to everyone. I'm basically slutty bi-sexual at the moment. I don't tell everyone. I've told a few close friends so they understand my separation (and hopefully find me dates.) My sexuality isn't really anyone's business.
Get a girl friend. If the girls reveal it, ask that girl to kiss you, say you will owe her big. boom. Kissing a girl in public should lose those girls' credibility.
geroni, Ehehehe funny about the whole 'kiss' thing. I can't. I have this superstition about my first kiss, and would like it to be with another guy. Idiotic I know. Additionally, I don't trust any of my close girl friends to date me...well there's my friend from Brazil, but I'm not about to blab on FB again after what happened before... and I also told the guy that I had a "backup" friend in case I got outed...stupid of me, I know. :bang: :eusa_doh: I really trusted him.... Arkansas has "beards." Even if I were to kiss another girl, those two would probably discredit me by saying I was acting. I'd have to go through the rest of high school acting, something I suck at. Also, my parents have a strict ban on dating. Grades before Girls (or in my case, Grades before Guys). So that's out of the question....I might be able to persuade a childhood friend of mine, but it's highly unlikely. Cubster, my family's Roman Catholic. My mom's always hinting towards me how she wants grandchildren, and my dad just sits there. Additionally, during a family get together, my uncle got drunk and called me a cigarette (well...a synonym for one). My mom defended me and said I was straight. If my parents figured it out, then there would be a smashed family fish tank right now, which is my pride and joy. I'd also get shipped off to seminary or a conversion camp, or (I seriously hope not) killed. Yeah...that's how much they're against it. Mr. Kindy, the box is opening either next year or in six years, and a rip may appear sometime soon. I'm real sorry if I'm super negative and shooting down y'alls wonderful suggestions. They would work for a lot of people I'm guessing...just maybe not for me. Please keep commenting.
Well today's the day. One of the girls is at a music clinic with me, so I know she won't find out, and the other girl is sick. I know I'm not supposed to, but I'm really hoping that the one that's sick is sick enough to miss the competition. Crisis averted (hopefully)!! Now I just have to worry about Monday....
Gasian, trust me. As a parent myself I can tell you this - your parents know. They might not like it, but I believe you have a better than even chance that they will accept it. They love you. My advice to you for right now is not to tell them yet (you're not ready, feel you have to much to risk, etc.) But when the situation arises, be honest and unafraid. As for dealing with the pressure at school, I like Lazuri's suggestion. If confronted, simply ignore them or nonchalantly respond "So?" then walk away. Or say something like "Why would you even care?" And again , walk away nonchalantly. If you're cool with it, they have nothing to use against you. High school can be a cruel place. My thoughts and prayers go with you.
Thanks PATenor! Well, it's been a week, and nothing's been said. One of the girls went to a clinic with me, and the other one got sick, so I think that it's a crisis averted!! Unless the sick one wasn't actually sick, and went to the tournament, and the two are actually waiting for the best time to out me. Now I know that I'm being paranoid here... Anyways, thank you all for your support!!
Well :***: . Turns out that there's a competition this week, and it's in the hometown of my "friend" who's also competing. Yay. :bang: Should we meet, I'm planning on just ignoring him. However, if he outs me, I'm conflicted on what I need to do. I can either agree and ask for acceptance, which I really don't want to do or something else. However I don't know what the something else is.... Thoughts please??
