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Coming out to Parents/Friends

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Mrcake, Jan 16, 2015.

  1. Mrcake

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    I have already come out to my sister and she is fine with my sexuality. My mom recently found out that my best friend, who she thought I was going to be dating is a lesbian. She said my sister told her, and she is okay with it but she feels that it is wrong. Do you think that she may feel the same way towards my sexuality? I think she will be very devastated at first and hurt, but she will still accept it -- probably pull some religious things out of her pocket and quote scripture. I wana come out so badly, but I don't want to be ostracized and I need my parents support for now while I'm in college.
     
  2. gasian

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    I get what you mean about the whole college-parent-support stuff. If your sister is nice enough, ask her if she would mind being a test dummy. Have her ask your mom what she (your mom) would do if she(your sister) came out as a lesbian. Make sure that she thoroughly denies being lesbian (if she's straight) no matter what the reaction to keep your mom from thinking that someone in her family is. Then have your sister tell you your mom's reaction. If it's favorable, I'd slightly broach the subject (say, Snapchat or Facebooking a few pictures of you with some guy friends being a bit friendly as in hugging and stuff). If not, then do nothing. You're 23, so that means you have only a year or two of college left, right? Do you feel like you can keep in the closet for that long from your parents?

    I know that the stuff I'm saying might sound incredibly manipulative, but nobody really knows what your mom is thinking. I was raised to always conduct experiments and ask questions when trying to find answers to problems, so I think that this might be a good way to broach the subject with your mom.

    If she starts quoting scripture like the Old Testament, then...I think that somewhere on the internet, there's a site that describes the whole "thou shalt not sleep with other men" part. It states that the original Hebrew(?) word meant "sin" rather than a list of sins.

    Good luck!
     
  3. Mrcake

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    I don't really feel comfortable using my sister as a test subject. My mom knows that I have never had a girlfriend, and that I have a lot of guy friends. I'm not quite sure about the quoting the bible stuff. She may or may not do that. I have one year left of college, so I can wait. I owe my parents lots of money for college, so I think it is in their best interest to not ostracize me also.
     
  4. gasian

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    If you don't feel comfortable, then don't do it. There're other ways that I just can't remember at the moment. If you can wait, then I think that you should do so. When you say that you owe your parents a lot of money, do you mean that you actually "owe" them money? Or that your parents paid for college?
     
  5. Mrcake

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    They took out a loan for me and are paying for it. I told them that I will pay them back all the money that I am borrowing from them. So I owe them money.
     
  6. mangotree

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    Do you mean if they ostracize you that you might be less likely to pay them back, or that they'll stop paying for the remainder of your college?

    What are the big differences that you see between coming out now and coming out in say a years time?
    I doubt her religious beliefs will change in the next 12 months.
    Apart from the money, what difference does it make?
     
  7. Mrcake

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    They will ostracize me and not pay for my college. I will not be able to finish my degree and will have no money to live. I will feel more out in a year and will have the job security. And my mom just lost her job, so I think she has enough on her plate right now.