Hi, I'm a teenager who has attempted to come out many times to my parents, but the ordeal always ends in tears. They never seem to understand that it isn't a "phase", even though I've told them since I was 12. I am very close to my parents, but they aren't very open to the idea of a gay kid. I recently came out to my school, and my classmates were very accepting. No one treated me any differently. My parents had warned me to never come out while in school, as it could potentially harm my social life. Although it didn't, I feel guilty for going against them, even though I knew it could only benefit me. I came out a few months ago, and I'm begining to realize I should tell them soon. How do I?
You might want to wait until you're older, so that they will have to accept that it isn't a phase. If they aren't very accepting, it might be better to wait. If you really want to do it now, try telling them that the average length of a phase is just a few months, a few explaining that your attraction to women has lasted much longer than that and will continue. You can direct them to PFLAG or similar sites for information that could help them.
I think the best thing you can do is 1) Consider yourself lucky that your peers and classmates are so accepting - this is a wonderful thing, and many do not get that support - yay you! 2) Sit your parents down and once again, explain it to them. Tell them when you started having these feelings, perhaps WHO you've had feelings for, and try and get them to understand - this is probably just as confusing to them as it is to you, after all. If they still don't believe it is as anything more than a phase, then the only thing you can do is keep living your life as a gay person, and explain it to them whenever they may question it. If you go on a date with a girl, don't hide it. If you have a girlfriend, don't hide her. Live your life, and if your parents confront you about it, you can always say that you told them. If they grow to have a problem with it, then that's another conversation entirely - but (this is a quote I love by drag queen RuPaul), "as gay people, we get to choose our families." You will eventually surround yourself with those who love you and support you for who you truly are, and you will gradually find those people, and they will become a second family to you. Best wishes, and I hope your parents do end up realizing just who you are, and how wonderful it is that you've found yourself. You should NEVER feel guilty for being honest about who you are.
You might have a look here: emptyclosets.com/forum/coming-out-advice/166155-frustrated.html#3 Its your choice what you say, you know the persons involved best. (*hug*)
It depends on how you think they'd react, and how well you think you would deal with their reaction. As you said you've come out to them before, it doesn't sound as though they'd do anything drastic like kick you out, so at least that's something you don't have to worry about! Do you think they'd be angry/disappointed/confused? If so, would you be happier telling them and dealing with their potentially negative emotions, or having to keep it a secret for longer but continuing to interact with them normally. It's up to you. Here is some more information about coming out to parents, if you want it: Coming Out to Your Parents - Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, Questioning, and Ally Resource Center If you DO choose to come out to them again, letters can be really helpful. I don't know if you've tried it already, but if you write a clearly-reasoned letter explaining why you are certain about this (and possibly even give them links to online resources about sexuality ***), that it's definitely not a phase, that you are not doing it to rebel against them, and that it is not a choice, it can be easier for them to take in the information. It's also easier for you, because you a) don't necessarily have to be there when they read it and b) don't have to try to explain yourself verbally if, like me, you get too flustered to speak coherently sometimes. Also, if you throw in that it should be a compliment to them that you feel safe enough to come out, it might put them in a more positive frame of mind. *** The American Psychological Association info on sexuality: Answers to Your Questions For a Better Understanding of Sexual Orientation and Homosexuality Some of the info here: Parenting LGBT and Questioning Kids The bit at the bottom of this page is directed at parents: Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual Teens: Facts for Teens and Their Parents - HealthyChildren.org If they seem more supportive this time, you could link them to PFLAG: PFLAG National This is also pretty good: Ten Tips for Parents of a Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, or Transgender Child
