Last night I tried to come out. I guess I firmly decided on asking for gender therapy instead of saying I am transgender. So, my mother is seeing a therapist. I keep asking vague questions about it in hopes that she'll ask what's going on and what not, but she hasn't been taking the bait. She doesn't want to talk about anything that doesn't deal with her. I lightly implied that I think I might benefit from therapy and she completely lost it. She told me to go see the school counselor (guess what mom, they can't get me the help I need!) and stormed out of the room. I couldn't even get to the point where I tell her my body and gender identity don't match up. I'm so upset today and I just want to throw the couch out the window. Part of me being upset about that is making me feel really bad about my body. It feels like an impossible dream to come out and transition. I NEED to do this. I feel like I'm ready to explode. How am I supposed to bring it up now? She told me when she's done working on herself, then we can come back to me. That makes me feel so invalid and wrong for being the way I am.
Well, it definitely goes without saying that she should have handled the situation much better and listened to the issues that you have been struggling with alone. She should be there to uplift, guide, and support you as an individual; however, it sounds as though those are things that she is not even doing for herself. She doesn't know how to tackle that issues that are troubling you because she is only just now learning how to tackle the issues that have been troubling for all of these years. Most people who don't seek help until adulthood have spent years running from the issues that arose within their life and they make habits of putting things off and wishing things away. There situations are never fair to the children that are caught in the middle of it. While feeling invalidated and unworthy of attention is absolutely going to build up some anger and pain, I would recommend continuing to make an effort to her actions are coming from a place where she isn't healthy. She is struggle to overcome the troubles that she is suffering with. Sometimes we have to accept that we might not have a model parental figure and that there are somethings that they will not be able to teach us or support us until they have learned to do the same for themselves. If she is currently taking part in therapy, then it likely isn't a practice that she is against fundamentally. It might just be something that you will have to continue to bring up in the future and give it time.
I think your mom wasn't being helpful at all, and I'm sorry for that. Maybe you could still give her the letter, and maybe she'll understand better, than she does right now, because you couldn't even tell her your complete story. Because I don't think she really got the whole point of you telling her that you're trans (but I wasn't there, so maybe she did, then I think you should wait a while, and maybe then bring it up again or give the letter Good luck and a lot of hugs keep up posted
(*hug*) First, there is nothing wrong with you. Many people now say being tg is biological. Theory has it it has to do with brain development before birth. So its neither your nor their fault. It might be simply this was a clash of expectations. You expected to be heard, and she probably expected to be listened to (and maybe pitied ). Women are often emotional, and she might have been in the mood to talk about her problems. Is it possible she has not many people to talk to ? Is that a financial issue, or would it be covered, maybe if you would go for depressions also ? I personally would tell her that this makes you feel very sick and you need help. Help you can't get from a school counselor. The other option would be the letter. But I'd think about it for one or two days, and to let some grass grow on it. Just one or two days. (*hug*)
