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Why is this so hard!!!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by crookedvulture, Jan 21, 2015.

  1. crookedvulture

    Regular Member

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    Hey friends,

    I have finally gotten to a point in my life where I feel it is best if I tell my parents about my current boyfriend. Here is some back story on where I was before I met him in life, who he is, and ultimately where we have ended up.

    I am 20 years old and currently in my third year of college. I have lived at home this whole time so I can pay for my own schooling. This has not made it particularly difficult to hide the fact I am into men because at the time I didn't really have any lasting relationships. Most of my encounters with other guys have been quick hook ups and I rarely met any guys more then a couple times at most. I had always said to myself I would come out if I got into a relationship with another guy and crazily enough that happened in 2014.

    I met my current boyfriend on an online dating app and we hit it off instantly. There was something different about him that I couldn't compare to other guys I have met, I wanted to see him lots and really enjoyed his company. It was clear he enjoyed my company as well. Despite the age gap between us (He is 33.), we have always gotten along and supported each others different situations and issues. Early on it was pretty obvious that there was an intense attraction between us and things slowly started to get more serious as we hung out more. Although he said he wasn't looking for a relationship (I wasn't either.), we eventually couldn't deny the fact that we were actually dating. It sort of dawned on us one day when we had a chat about the fact that this has to be something more then a normal friends with benefits situation. We constantly looked forward to seeing each other any time we could despite our busy schedules, and we always told each other how happy we make each other. We both have tons in common, and I love the fact that he is understanding of where I am in life right now and that I am just starting to become more open about who I am. We officially became boyfriends when we finally admitted we loved each other and needed each other in our lives.

    After "making things official" I slowly started to come out to some of my good friends, who were very supporting of my situation despite the rather different relationship we have (Only due to the age gap.). I have met many of his friends and they all enjoy my company. His friends are a fun crowd of open minded people of different back grounds and age ranges. Although we are the only ones into guys, they are all totally fine with it and its amazing to be able to be open in public settings without fear of being mocked or whatever. I even have met his mom and some of his family, who also all really like me.

    The problem I am facing right now is I don't know how to break this news to my parents. I have been hiding this relationship from them for the past 7 months since it began, and it has been becoming increasingly more difficult to hide it. I did tell my parents I am seeing someone right now but didn't elaborate on it. I am not particularity worried about telling my parents I am into guys, I come from a large family and my older sister currently has a female partner which we all know about. I am more worried that they wont understand the age gap. I have heard them on numerous occasions say they think it is screwed up when older people date younger people. The thing is the age gap doesn't even phase me, it is an after thought. We are both totally open in public places, that is how comfortable I am with him. I just cant get past the fact of telling my family, possibly out of fear of rejection.

    I love my boyfriend and feel that being open with my family about what is going on in my life will take some of the anxiety away of constantly hiding the fact I am seeing him. It doesn't make sense to me why I cant come up with the courage to tell my Mom or Dad. I have gotten some amazing support from the people I have come out to, and my boyfriend is also very supportive. Whenever the topic is brought up he always says he will support whatever it is I want to do, and that I don't need to do anything I don't want to, I should come out when I feel ready. I am constantly thinking about it though, last night I couldn't sleep because I was running scenarios through my head about how my Mom will react to the news, and what to say.

    I am most likely going to say something soon, only for my sake. Anyone on here have any advice or have any experience with dating older men that they would like to share?

    Thanks for reading, I know that was probably a bit long.
     
  2. Dakeli27

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    One piece of advice I've found useful is to come out to one parent first, whoever you think would be more supportive. Then they can help you come out to the other. Be aware, though, that they might be upset that you hid your relationship with your boyfriend, and they might object to you dating someone considerably older than you are.
     
  3. crookedvulture

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    I have been trying to figure out which parent would be better. My Mom seems to be the one that is more open about the sexuality thing but I have a bad feeling she would despise the fact I am dating an older man. My dad tends to not really care if it doesnt affect himself, but I cant even guess what his reaction would be. I have been hoding this too long though and really need to put some context into what I have been up to.

    I wasnt able to sleep again last night thinking about this.