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Guilty, Not Gulity, No Contest, What?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Trumpetplyer23, Oct 29, 2008.

  1. Trumpetplyer23

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    There's this girl that, well, I like. She's smart, funny, and physically attractive. Basically, this girl is pretty much amazing. We'll call her M.

    Now, M and I were acquantinces at the beginning of band camp (in the summer). Now, we're pretty close friends.

    At first, it started really slow. We talked and hung out when we happened to be in the same area. Now, we talk all the time, regardless of where we are. We have each other's phone number. She took her shirt off in front of me (she was changing for a football game, she's in the flag corps).

    Then, it just exploded. Pretty soon, we started hanging out at school all of the time. She confided personal things (nothing like 'I like girls') in me.

    There's a couple of problems here. One, well, I don't think she's into girls. Two, I feel guilty liking her.

    I feel guilty because she doesn't have a clue that I like her. She just thinks I'm being friendly, because when I 'flirt' (touch her hair, tell her she looks nice, etc), she thinks it's normal because A) lots of people do it (because she does look good) B) I do it to alot of other people. I feel like I have some kind of hidden agenda that she's clueless about. I feel as if by becoming friends with her, I'm just trying to get close to her for other reasons. Not just for friendship.

    I don't want to stop hanging out with her because I value our friendship and she's such a nice person it would be really mean to her. I don't want to tell her how I feel because there's about a 0.001 % chance that she feels the same way and I don't want her to get freaked out and we stop being friends.

    My main problem is my guilt. I mean, what can I do besides telling her how I feel and/or staying away from her to try and work through this guilt?
     
  2. epiphanies

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    You say you value your friendship, which means you are in it for more than just the chance to date her. So yes, you do like her, but you aren't hanging out with her just because you like her. You are talking to her because you are also friends. I wouldn't feel guilty if I were you.
     
  3. Mickey

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    I agree with epiphanies,don't feel guilty. If I felt guilty for having feelings for friends (when I was younger), I would have been mostly friendless!
    I think you're right NOT telling her.Just be there,be her friend and crush on her secretly!
     
  4. Psychedelic Bookmarks

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    I wouldn't feel guilty. You're not doing anything wrong. You just like her. That's not a crime. If you feel that this is too awkward a situation, maybe you should come out to her. But in the meantime, don't feel guilty - this is not your fault in any way, and it's just as (if not more) difficult for you as it ever will be for her.
     
  5. Trumpetplyer23

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    She knows. The whole school knows. I came out in a speech in my English class. Actually, we share that class, she just happened to be out that day.

    I mean, I don't want to feel guilty. And I don't think I should feel guilty, I just do. How can I get rid of the guilt without destroying our friendship?