For the past few weeks I have seriously thought about coming out to my family. I have wanted to because it is killing me that I am holding back a secret from them. However there is a lot going on with my family. My dad finished his last round of chemo about a month ago, my mom has not been too well, she has real high blood pressure. On top of this my brother is getting divorced. He had his hearing with the judge yesterday and will be finalized in 3 months, and my sister has her own business which is not going that well because of the economy. Like I said from above it has bothered me that I have not come out to my family especailly to my mom who I have in the past told almost everything. I really think that now is not the time to tell her because of her high blood pressure and I do not want to tell her before or during the holidays (for odvious reasons). I did mention this to the PFLAG group that I go to the other night. They basically said I could wait. One woman said jokingly you could ask to pass the gravy and the say by the way I'm gay. Do you think I should wait until the new year? Sorry if it rambles.
One of the first things that I read about coming out was that you should never do it when there are other things going on in the family.So I think you need to wait over the holidays so that when you disclose the news that you are gay,that the focus can be on you and not on your dad/brother/sister/mom.Coming out during the holidays does not sound like a good idea because you need to have your fami;ys attention and the particular holiday that you disclose on would corrupt that.
Your post is very timely for me. I am trying to decide the same thing and have similar issues with my parents’ health. I don’t think there is any easy answer or one that is right for everyone’s situation. You and I are very close in age, so our parents are likely of a similar generation, which was far less tolerant of homosexuality than parents today. So, it may cause them some stress. Perhaps wait until after the first so that the holidays are behind you. The holidays can be kind of tumultuous for some families. Do they live near you so that you can do it in person even if it is not the holidays? I suggest that you balance the stress you think it will cause them against how much pain and hardship it is causing you to withhold the truth from them and stay closeted. In the end, if you wait until January, it is only a little over 2 months away.
I don't think there is every going to be an absolutely perfect time. You just kind of have to live one day at a time and if it feels right, do it.
I agree that the holidays is not the best time to come out. And...I agree that no time is going to be perfect. If you still want to come out to your parents,after the holidays,then IMO,that would be a better time. I came out to my parents when I was young. However,I did come out to my grandmother,too,and she was elderly and not all too healthy.(and a staunch Catholic!) She was absolutely GREAT! At the end of the day,you need to make this decision. Every family is different and only you know yours. Whatever you do,I hope all goes well for you.
I agree with the above members that although there is never a perfect time, there are times when it might be better to hold off a bit longer. As you have mentioned there are a lot of things going on within your family right now and for the next couple of months. I agree with you that the holidays might not be the best time to come out to your family. Maybe once your brother's divorce if final and things have settled a bit, you could try coming out to him first. Coming out to your brother first might be a bit easier on you before talking with your parents.
Thanks guys! to be honest, my brother is the last person I think I should come out to. He is my twin and I love him, but I think he is a bit narrow minded, just from past comments. He is the person I am the most afraid to come out to. I am going to wait until the new year. In the mean time I am going to probably come out to a couple of friends of mine on of them is gay.
