Anyone else ever come out and then felt terrible?

Yup, more or less exactly describes how I felt after coming out to my best friend, the first person I spoke to. He was brilliant about it, I couldn't have hoped for a better reaction, and I was laughing out loud from relief after we said goodbye and I went into my flat.

The next day I felt really low. I was worrying about whether he would feel the same way after having some time to think about it (he did, and has continued to be amazing). We had been drinking the night before, and I always get strong feelings of guilt when I'm hungover, which was probably the issue.

And yes, I also worry about whether I'm lying when I tell people I'm gay, even though I would find it hard to put together an argument that I wasn't.

---------- Post added 25th Jan 2015 at 05:38 PM ----------

And I'll add that while coming out has always been difficult, each person I've come out to has left me feeling different. Didn't feel anything in particular after coming out a second time. The third I was basically on a bit of a high for days afterwards.

 

Hi there Vespa, I understand what you mean. When I first started coming out to people, no one seemed surprised at all. They were pretty supportive, as no one had ever thought I was straight anyway. I always felt mostly attracted to women, but never could truly identify with calling myself “gay” or “lesbian.” What for most people is the biggest coming out (parents), was the oddest thing for me. Quite recently, my dad just spoke out one night when he, my mom, and I were out to dinner, and said, “I support you if you are gay.” My mom said she was supportive, though she would be a little disappointed. I was only slightly shocked, happy, and then very depressed. In this particular time in my life, I still won’t use labels. I refuse. I feel like it puts too much pressure on me. I still can’t say for absolute certainty I am gay, just as I can’t say I’m not. So, the way I cope falls somewhere between avoidance and honesty. If someone asks me if I am gay, I say, “Sorry, you aren’t my type.” or “Are you asking me on a date?” If people are talking about someone who they find attractive and they ask me what I think, I’ll be honest regardless of the gender.

Try not to think of your orientation in terms of right or wrong. You are you. Period. If a hot guy passes you on the street, and you think “Wow-he’s hot.” That’s fine. Don’t be like, “Oh wait! I say that I’m gay, so I can’t think that. Only women should catch my eye!” There is nothing to feel guilty about. Remember to breathe, and don’t force yourself into boxes. Try to stay calm and patient with yourself, you will instinctively come out or not, to certain people at certain times. But try to do that only if in your heart of hearts, you think it is that best thing for you. (ie. I could never come out to my parents because somehow I knew it a) wasn’t the right time b) wouldn’t make me feel any better about myself or my situation. Ultimately, it was the right decision because 6 years after I started questioning, my parents were able to tell me how they felt and I was stable enough to accept whatever they had to say.)

Well, that was long and I hope that made some sense. If anything I said resonated with you and you ever need someone to listen, feel free to contact me. Depression is not a stranger to me. Good luck my friend.
-Mel

 

I've definitely felt this way. I thought coming out to my dad went reasonably well but the next day I felt horrible about it. I also second guessed myself with "what if I'm not really gay?" Like what Melissa said, I feel guilty if I look at a hot guy on the street. But I guess I'm the only one who really knows my own sexuality. and I know that I wouldn't have felt such a burning need to come out if I wasn't gay. I try not to feel depressed or guilty about it but it's a struggle every day.

 

I came out for the first time to a close friend last February. Things went ok, but I went about it the wrong way and things were awkward for awhile. While I'm not completely sure why, I definitely went through an episode of depression that made school and other normal things harder. I think it might've just been the realization that I still had a long way to go before I could live how I wanted. Eventually, I grew as a person and today I would say I'm so much stronger and more confident. I can honestly say that coming out was the best decision I could have made. Of course, I'm not out to my parents so that could make things more difficult, but at this point, I have so many people behind me that I know I'll be fine no matter what.

 

I think I've heard coming out comes in stages of grieving almost?
Maybe that's what's happening. I'm sure you're just going through the emotions and you'll feel brand new in a couple days. Chin up! (*hug*)