My parents have always been against homosexuality and always will be. I have been confronted about this before but today was the worst. My mom confronted me and proceeded to rant against being gay and compared it to murder and abortion. My mom is very religious and my dad isn't really, but he's still against it. This confrontation (my dad was not home) was the worst. It even got physical towards the end and resulted in me threatening to call 911. My mom threatened to take me out of college and put me in a religious convent or a mental institution. I told her that if she did, I would commit suicide. She brushed that off. I am so scared she's going to tell my dad when he gets home. If she does that, I am literally done for. I fear being beaten up or thrown out of the house. If I am thrown out, I have at least 2 places to go. But if I am beaten (because I am so delicate and slim) I don't know how much I would be hurt. I am really nervous and scared right now. This situation has been going on for about a year and today was just awful. I want to leave my house for good but it's not easy and I don't have the means. My cell phone was nearly taken away and the land line is being monitored. My mom told me she does not trust me anymore. She did not let me leave the house because she said I was going to "one of those places". I was actually going to start volunteering at a gay and lesbian clinic but now I can't. I told her I was going to my university's library but she did not believe me. I please ask EC to help me by suggestions or anything else you guys can do to comfort me or offer solutions. I want to leave the house for good, but like I said, it's SO complicated. I don't even want to live here anymore and there's nothing I can do about it without causing more problems that will escalate to gigantic proportions. I feel so scared right now and I can't just get up and leave the house without my mom coming after me. Please do not get me wrong. My parents are good people whose educations clash against my ways. Don't demonize them. It's their way of showing that they love me. However, I can no longer deal with this. Please help me My friends and Advisors at my university know what is going on, and the Dean of students is helping me with this process. However, all she says is that I have to "hang in there". However, I can no longer do that.
Could you live in a dorm? I'm sorry if I sound naive I am not really educated with the college system, but I fell incredibly bad for you. That woman does not deserve the title of mother if she is saying that to you. (*hug*) (*hug*)
I don't really know what to say, just stay calm and do your best to not aggravate the situation. We're here for you (*hug*)(*hug*)
Perhaps you could live with a friend? You know...get a good breather in. You gotta relax before you can tackle this situation more rationally
Your mom definitely needs to give you space. You're nineteen, and to me, that's too old to let your life be directed by anyone other than you. You can still listen to people's advice, because I'm sure you still love your mom. But when yall talk , it should be a normal, adult conversation. Not violence. I hope you can weather out the storm. Please update us.
I'm glad you've gone to seek help from others (such as your uni advisers and the such). That really helps and gives you much needed support. Sorry to hear about the violence, and I wouldn't stand for that. If you feel like things are escalating too much, just leave the situation, because at that point, its not going to get any better. I don't know if this would help really at all, but would your mom consider going to maybe speak to a counselor with you? Nothing really to do about your sexuality but the fact that you two are having these many problems. Keep us updated
Your environment isn't healthy. Your presence isn't productive for you nor for either of your parents. The only solution is to leave. No one has to tolerate physical or ANY form of abuse on any level from ANYONE and that includes parents. I am ignorant to American society so I do not know what options there are, but people seem to be coming up with idea's and im sure there will be more to come. You're 19, not 12. Your parents have NO legal control over you. If you want to leave; leave. If you're scared that your dad will be abusive; don't be home when he returns. Can the repercussions of disobeying your mother possibly be worse than being beaten? Is anything worse then that?
It sounds like you need to keep some distance between you and your parents. Are there no other family members that you could turn to? Aunts, uncles, grandparents? Do you have any older cousins that could take you in for a while? If that isn't an option, then for your own sake can you 'tone down' the whole gay aspect of your life? Because it is just ONE aspect of your life. Don't bring it up at home. Don't talk about volunteering in a LGBT clinic, or if necessary, don't even do it. Stick to schooling and finishing your education while your parents are willing to support you with that. And when you really are able to be independant, you can be as 'out' and as vocal as you want to be. I'm not sure I see any other alternative. Please let us know how things went when you dad got home.
Thanks for the advice thus far everyone. I really appreciate it. My dad got home and my mom told him what happened (but not everything, such as the physical fight and the 911). My dad sat me down and had me swear on his life and on god and everything that I liked women and that they could trust me and that there was nothing to worry about. I felt so disgusted with myself after. I just had to lie, I couldn't come out. I just couldn't do it. I talked to a family friend today and she gave me some resources. She also told me she's willing to call my mom and have her over her house so that they can talk about this that would mean her telling my mom that I am gay and that she has known. I am not sure how my mom will react to this, but I know for a fact that it will not be positive. I'm actually bracing myself to get kicked out of the house or something. It all depends if I want her to talk to my mom about it or no. My mom will freak and go into an emotional breakdown, same thing with my dad. I will let you guys know what happens. Thank you for the advice. All my other friends are worried about me too
Definitely keep us posted. My advice-Bail. Now. I know it is possible to go through college without financial help from parents, since I did it and my roommate is doing it now. There are student loans available, scholarships, grants, et cetera, and even if you can't qualify for any of those, you can work to pay your way. It might take you longer, but sometimes that's the way it goes. You mentioned you had a couple friends that would let you crash at their places. It's time to talk to them seriously about their offers and accept those offers if possible. Honestly, staying in the toxic environment you describe can only do you harm, both now and in the long run. It's going to hurt your performance in class. It's going to hurt you spiritually and psychologically. And, if the situation ever does get physical, well, stick a fork in it, you're done. The instant one party or the other lays a finger on the other, that opens you up to legal action and criminal charges, and if threats of calling the cops have already been made (doesn't matter by whom), don't think for an instant that your mother would hesitate to do it. Get out of there just as soon as you can.
Leave now. Go to one of your friends' houses, stay in a dorm, ask the family friend if you could stay with her. It sucks that you had to lie about your sexuality and in a way, that only makes things worse since they now truly believe you are straight when you aren't. But I know in situations like that, sometimes lying is the only way out. You need to distance yourself from your parents for a few weeks, let things cool down, and try to talk to them. I know it's easier said than done. I hope you make it through.(*hug*)(*hug*)
