Hi So I'm very ready to come out of the closet. I have just recently accepted that I am gay to myself. I haven't told a single person yet because there is some piece of me that knows that once I tell someone, it will become real and I might not like it. I know who the first person I want to come out to is but I still can't get the courage to do it. Whenever I'm not planning on coming out, I am excited at the prospect of coming out but when it comes to actually telling myself "I'm coming out to her today," I can never say it, text it, or anything. In the moment I forget all the reasons I want to come out and end up thinking that I don't want to. Every time I think I will come out in the upcoming days, I get excited by it because I know most of my friends and family will support it. I'm just unsure what to do because I want there to be some way for me to remember the reasons why I want to come out when in the moment. I'm nervous that after telling one person, there is no going back and that person will think of me in that way, whether she supports it or not. please help. how do I get confidence?? Thanks
Hi badger, I can relate to what you're feeling. I just came out to two very close people in my life after recently having accepted myself. Coming out to yourself and putting it in writing is a tremendous step forward. You should be proud of yourself. The context is different for everyone, but I'm happy to share what I did as I prepared myself to come out; hopefully it'll be helpful to you. 1. Research Prior to coming out to my sister (the first one I told), I read A LOT. Books about homosexuality, about coming out; forums like this one about other people's coming out stories and experiences; and resources like the ones on this site about everything from how to tell your family to safe sex guidelines. Being gay was scary and confusing, and I felt like I needed as much information as I could find. Summoning the courage to accept who you are is extremely difficult and it took me a long time. I wish there were easy answers, but arming yourself with information can only be helpful. Take the time to read through the threads here. I've drawn strength from them. 2. Write down how you feel Not to sound like a hackneyed therapist, but this was extremely helpful for me. Either get a journal or jot thoughts down on EC if privacy is an issue, and tease out everything that's scary or anxious. I wrote down that I'm gay, that I've always known I was gay, and I explained to myself in writing all the reasons why I've felt guilty/ashamed/hateful and why I've hidden it for so long. Then I wrote down what I feared the most, the worst things that could happen if I were to come out. And then I wrote down how I thought I would address some of those worst case scenarios. To oversimplify, the reason why it took me so long to accept myself was "I'd rather be 'normal' than be happy." Once I was honest with myself about how I felt (after writing it down), it was relatively easy to see what a silly sentiment that is. Then the reasons for why I wanted to come out and stay out became that much clearer to me. If you find yourself forgetting the reasons you want to come out, the best advice I got on EC is that you don't need to rush this. Come out when you are ready to the people you know will support you. I'm rambling now (I find myself doing that a lot these days, haha). So I'll stop. tldr: reading about other people's coming out experiences, and then telling yourself in writing how you feel about your sexuality will go a long way toward building the confidence to come out. It did for me.
