I posted something last night but I woke up with another concern I'm having about coming out: About a year ago I had a somewhat realization that I was gay and thought I was ready to tell people. I knew who the first person I I wanted to tell would be but she was studying abroad that semester in Europe. So I decided I would wait to tell her before I would tell anyone else. However, I was so eager to tell her that I actually planned a trip to go visit her during my spring break that semester of college. Up until that visit with her, I was excited at the prospect of me coming out would be. Once I reached Europe and I was with her at the perfect moment, I thought to myself "If I don't do this now, then this whole trip would have been expensive and unsuccessful and this may mean I would never be brave enough to do it." So I ended up whispering to her "I think I'm gay." Right after I said that, her response was very supportive. However, I immediately started retracting what I had said to her because it didn't feel right after saying it. I immediately couldn't remember why I had wanted to come out in the first place. Although she was so great about it, I kept say "wait, maybe I'm not" and "I still am thinking out it." I told her if I want to speak about it again I will let her know. Since then she has once in a while asked "have you thought about that conversation in Europe" and my response was always "it was just a phase." However, I'm back to wanting to tell her that is wasn't a phase and I really am gay. I feel extremely ready and just want to tell her and talk about it without going back into the closet right after. I don't think a second time would work if it ever did. I feel like, but I'm not sure, that I'm more ready to come out than I was before the Europe experience. Is this just me? Is it normal to suddenly go back into the closet right after telling the first person? Will that happen again if I come out to her again? When do I know is the right time to come out?
