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I don't think I'll ever come out to my family

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by 0910paix, Jan 28, 2015.

  1. 0910paix

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2015
    Messages:
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    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    So I have been worrying lately because the future is making me nervous. I am very excited to graduate and go to college in 2 years and it really gives me hope. I want to meet new people, I'm moving back home (currently living in another country) and I can't wait! I am excited to get my majors in biology. The only thing I am scared of is finding or not a partner. I am lesbian and no one knows about it except for one of my friends and he is really supportive. Anyway the thing is I am scared I will either never find someone or that I'll fall in love with someone but I won't be able to share that aspect of my life with my family. My partner will want to meet my parents and I won't be able to do anything about it. My mom "isn't homophobic" but she can't stand the thought of her daughter watching Ellen DeGeneres God help her if her daughter is gay! Also another thing she once said that shocked me and made me very sad is that she was "sorry for homosexuals, it's not their fault; it's a disease". I was so disappointed when she said this. I don't know if any of this made sense and I guess it isn't really a question I just want opinions from an "outsider p.o.v." I guess.

    I wrote this earlier and I want to add to it without having to go back because it's kind of a mess (sorry):

    Also I've thought about not talking to my family at all once I get to a point in my life when I can't be completely honest with my mom. I do think I'd be able to come out to my brother and sister I'm pretty sure they'd be cool but I don't know. This all sounds so hypothetical but right now it's been stressing me out:bang:.

    I'm sorry if this whole post is a mess hope it's understandable!
     
  2. RickyTricky01

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2015
    Messages:
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    Location:
    Italy, Perugia
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    hey, Maybe i'm too young (i'm 15), but, i talked with my family about my homosexuality and they don't think too much about Gay's and Lesbian's but they love me and they just don't care about my sexuallity, i think that, if your parents loves you they will don't care about your Homosexuality :slight_smile: and... Just try to come out with your brother or sister to start, don't be scared, it's your family, they will always love you :slight_smile:

    *I'm sorry for my english, i'm italian*
     
  3. hat123

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2015
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    Location:
    California
    Hey, have strength! It's okay to be uncertain at this stage of coming out; you are probably going to think of many different scenarios how things might go (whether it's right or wrong). If you are not ready to come out to your family, don't do it. I bet there's gonna be a time in your life where you cannot keep your sexuality a secret anymore and tell them. Anyway, people's reaction may surprise you! You'll never know whether they will react positively or negatively until you tell them.

    Personally, I just didn't care about their feelings anymore and just tell them the truth. Keeping it a secret from everyone, especially my parents, was very hard for me; it really took a lot of toll for my mental health. That's why I finally decided to take the "screw it" attitude and tell them. Luckily, their responses were very good (even though I have heard them talked about LGBTs in a condescending way). They basically just told me that I am still their son and they will always love me (my mom brought out an analogy on how parents with mentally degraded children still loved their children. *I kind of want to tell her that yes I'm not "normal" but this is certainly not a mental problem though I get where she's coming from*). I have three other siblings, and I thought at least one of them was going to be unaccepting, but luckily all of them were really supportive and happy for me.

    If you finally find courage, be patient with your family. It will certainly take time for them to be fully accepting. Answer all questions; don't be offended if they asked the wrong questions. Explain clearly that there is nothing wrong with being a lesbian (and if they use the denial/religion card, don't be sad; just give them time to come through). Good luck!
     
    #3 hat123, Jan 29, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2015