1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Closeted bi attracted to straight (he wishes) friend want to come out to him

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Sumguyonline, Jan 28, 2015.

Thread Tools

Thread Tools

  1. Sumguyonline

    Sumguyonline
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2015
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    texas
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    To begin, I'm Bi but still in the closet; I've never felt the need to come out (Porn has kept that side under wraps. Thanks to all you tubin daddies and bears out there!) Anyway, I work with this guy, I wasn't attracted to him at 1st but we started working out together. He has a lot of health problems because of his weight but his drive and will amaze me. He is the toughest and strongest guy I've ever met; which slowly made me fall for him. It got really bad about 3 months ago we were eating lunch and I made the mistake of looking into those big brown eyes of his and realized ":***:! I'm in love with this dude." I know he is gay but deep in the closet (my gaydar hasn't been wrong yet). I have all the clues too, he has never kissed a girl (we our well out of our 20's), I have found gay porn history on his tablet (he tried to blame it on someone from his church HAH!), yesterday he joked about hooking up with this bear at work (I can't blame him that dude is hot!) Here's the problem he is in one of those super anti gay religions :rolle: in fact his whole family and friends are. If he were to come out or get caught on the dl; he would be kicked out and shunned by his family and friends; in fact it's mandated by the religion (we were born this way WTF! we can't help it). I'm clearly getting signs through his eyes and he always looking at my bulge (it is large, it's embarrassing to me but I have been wearing tighter pants just for him :icon_redf). He seems to find ways to get in my space, (yesterday he got so close to me where my hand was resting on his stomach; I melted). I almost grabbed him and kissed him today he gave me that "look" at both my eyes and bulge. He then jumped in an empty elevator but I froze (I have froze some many times it's killing me.) The problem for me; is he always has to be in control. He can very easily just dismiss emotion and people with little effort, especially if he feels it's a threat to his well being or faith; it's uncanny I've never seen anything like it. He could very easily just toss me aside and move on if my timing is off. I can't bare that, I've never cared so much for anyone before (I have been in love with women before but nothing like this) even if we just stay friends I don't want to lose him. I will make the 1st move if I have too but I would prefer him to since he is a control freak. I'm new to this I don't know how to proceed or guide into that direction. I feel like I'm drowning :help:
     
    #1 Sumguyonline, Jan 28, 2015
  2. Gen

    Gen
    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 20, 2012
    Messages:
    4,070
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Nowhere
    Well, despite what porn and romantic comedies will tell you, spontaneously getting physical with one another most likely is not going to have the best results. There might be a fair amount of tension between the both of you, but even if his inhibitions are released within the moment they will absolutely come back after. Having a quick fling within him most likely isn't worth losing his companionship after the waves of regret return to him afterward. If anything is meant to happen between the two of you, it needs to be after he has consciously acknowledged his attractions and knows that the actions that he is taking are actions that he truly wishes to take.

    I would recommend coming out to him first. Regardless of their sexuality, people who were raised in homophobic mindsets often continue to hold them until they discover people who the world who shatter them. Whether he is attracted to you or merely enjoys your companionship, discovering your orientation would force him to acknowledge LGBTQ people are more than simply the sinful deviants that he was brought up to believe they are. He might not react as favorable in the beginning, but it is something that he is going to have to accept at some point. There isn't much of a point in dragging things out any further.

    From there, I would give things time. It is better that everything is done gradually, rather than impulsively.
     
    #2 Gen, Jan 29, 2015
  3. Lexington

    Lexington
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2007
    Messages:
    11,409
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Colorado
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    There are two ways to go about this.

    1. With words. Come out to him. Tell him you're bisexual. This will be his opening - if he wants to hook up with you, he now knows he has that option. You're welcome to say you're interested in that point, but I think it's best to let him process it, and let HIM make the move once you've given him the opening. That's especially true since you say he likes to "take charge".

    2. With actions. Start making moves on him. Find more reasons to lay your hand on his arm, or rub his shoulders, or give him a hug, or let the hug linger. You can get more brazen than that, but those are the best first moves.

    Method 1 is the most likely to result in keeping the friendship intact. Method 2 is the most likely the result in you two having sex. Up to you which method to use.

    Lex
     
    #3 Lexington, Jan 29, 2015
  4. Sumguyonline

    Sumguyonline
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2015
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    texas
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    I told him. He rejected me . I'm quite embrassed but I'm glad I told him. Honestly, now that it's out there I really don't feel as attached as I thought. I'm already moving on. Thanks everyone I never knew I had the courage till now.
     
    #4 Sumguyonline, Jan 29, 2015
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)